What Could Have Been- A Hannigram Fanfiction

Where Shall We Begin

"Ooh." Will slaps his hand on the kitchen counter. Chocolate lines his upper lip. "That's a good ending. Nice and spicy."

"Spicy," Hannibal chuckles. "Well, I knew you wouldn't just sit there and take it."

"I'm no damsel, that's for sure." Will takes a sip. "Nice of you to notice."

"You didn't need to be saved. You just needed to be shown the truth."

"And you showed me." Will's expression turns wistful. "And it was wonderful."

"Then why push us?"

Will flinches. Hannibal's tone is direct, not at all cold or angry, but Will still feels a wave of regret. Hannibal has asked this before, but he continually brushes the question off. He feels that he will forever have to explain himself— why he did what he did that night. Nothing is ever going to be enough. The true answer, the one he wants to give, could irritate Hannibal.

They are telling many truths tonight, though. Perhaps now is the time.

"I couldn't live with you, with myself, after everything we did," he finally says. "I felt like I had gone against everything I once stood for. I had become someone I didn't want to become." He stares down at his mug.

"But I also couldn't live without you. The mere thought sent me into a panic. All that time you spent away from me...it made me realize that I can't function without you." He blinks back tears. "Because I love you. And since I didn't know what to do, I just," he shrugs, "figured it would be better if neither of us lived at all."

"Are you struggling with that now? Living with me?"

"No, no." Will vehemently shakes his head. "God, no. I'm sure you've heard of suicide victims that immediately regret what they've done once it's already too late? Something about actually facing death that makes you want to turn back?"

"Of course."

"The relief I felt when you came out of the water...it was physical. It made my heart swell, and I felt everything fall into place." Will reaches across to hold Hannibal's hand. "I could live with you. And I definitely couldn't live without you."

Hannibal smiles, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "I understand," he says. "No matter what, I would understand."

"I should have told you the real reason. I just— I didn't think it was good enough."

"There are many things I've done that I struggle to explain later on. What matters is that we are here now." He glances over at the clock. "I want to hear one more story, Will. And I'd like for you to tell it."

Will nods expectantly.

"What would you have done if you survived that fall, and I didn't? If I had perished?"

Will feels himself blanch. He can't think about that. "Love.."

"I don't care what the answer is. I don't care if you would have danced on my grave. I just want to know." He squeezes Will's hand.

"What would you have done? If it was the other way around?"

"If you had died?"

"Yes."

"I would have killed myself," Hannibal replies without any hesitation. "I would have held myself under the water until I joined you in death." He lifts Will's hand to his lips and kisses it. "I would have no purpose."

A small tear leaks out and trails down Will's cheek. Hannibal moves his stool closer and kisses him on the cheek, his lips planting right where the teardrop is. Will turns his head so their lips are touching.