Beginnings

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William's fingers were moving delicately above her body. The healing process was always fun and a rather compelling thing to watch, but for the first time I couldn't really focus on studying my friend's 'blessed' abilities.

All I cared about at that moment was Briana's condition. She was lying peacefully on the infirmary bed, yet I knew that there was nothing tranquil about her state and the situation we'd just escaped.

I was glad she got Will's help immediately. I expected it even, although I did not fully acknowledge it then. My vision and thinking was blurred, maybe because of the aether I could still feel on the top of my fingertips; maybe, because of the stress I put myself through while trying to establish if everyone is in one piece and come up with some temporary solution to the mess that Davis created.

The only thing I knew for sure, was that my hatred towards the Order was never as strong as at this moment.

Seeing Bree's wounds and exhaustion was even worse, and I thought it was due to my somewhat altered perception of her. After acquiring her new position, that is her becoming a king, I thought my Oath somehow found a way to tie both of us through her lineage and my vows to the line of Arthur,, but I guess that somewhere deeply I still knew it had nothing to do with these ancient bonds afterall.

It was because I let myself get attached.

Even now it is strange for me to acknowledge freely that someone finally managed to get me to question my choices. I needed someone to help me with a further plan- that I could admit clearly. I just realised I cared about them all more than I imagined. About this ridiculous institution.

About her.

This realisation was sudden, and so was the voice that woke me up from my intense mind-wandering.

"You can enter the room Sel, I won't bite." Said William after spotting me peeking through the infirmary doors.

"I was just passing by, William." My reply wasn't convincing enough, but I couldn't care less at that moment. I just needed to know if she is stable.

"She will be OK, no need to worry. It's nothing severe, but she'll need some time to wake up. Possessions can be tricky. She'll manage." He somehow sensed what I wanted to ask, and I was kind of grateful for his intuition.

"I expected nothing less of her." I muttered.

After a couple of minutes William finally finished his work, and stepped out of Briana's side. I realised I wanted to come closer and check for myself if he did not miss any wounds, but I was aware that he was one of the best in his craft. I trusted him.

He looked at me and I spotted some silent question in his gaze. Despite this obvious inquiry, I chose not to share my concerns with him. It's better to stay silent sometimes.

"Well, my job is done." Said William. "From now it is up to her when she comes back to us. I'll be in the common room. Tor said we have to discuss some things when everybody's more or less patched up. Do you need anything?"

"No, not really, I will join you in a moment." I replied.

"We'll wait for you, so take your time. You should really take some rest, Sel." William replied with a soft smile, and I saw the true weariness in his eyes for the first time since years. I wanted to appreciate his effort, but I couldn't bring myself to do so in an open manner at that moment.

I hated myself for it.

"Will do." Was the only answer I managed to produce without getting pointlessly angry with myself all over again.

He left the room and headed towards the stairs. I hesitated for a moment if it was a good idea to come and sit with her. I wasn't sure if she would want me to be there.

I still remembered the sound of her heart pounding wildly while waiting for Scions' choices, but whether it was a reaction caused by her impatience and excitement or my bold violation of personal space, I had no actual idea.

Well, I wanted it to be the latter, I'm not gonna lie.

I was slightly mad though that she thought I danced with her only to piss Nicholass off. Stil, I enjoyed her sudden nervousness when she realised Nick had been watching though. Was it wrong of me to revel in that memory? I don't know, but I made a mental note to ask her myself.

A moment later, my legs carried me to the very edge of her bed. I sat there, but didn't dare to touch her, afraid of disturbing her space and recovery process. Aether on her body was still pretty much tangible.

It was dark outside already. The storm was just beginning to take over the sky. Sound of the raindrops hitting against the glass began to make itself audible.

As much as some people seem to enjoy it, I got irritated by it instantly. I wasn't in the best shape. My aether withdrawal was just about to kick in. The only thing I wished to focus on then was her heartbeat. These raindrops weren't exactly helping.

Briana's face was still and visibly drained, but her strength was present no less. I wondered if she could feel my gaze on her at this particular moment. Made another mental note to ask her if she could sense it while sleeping.

I thought at that time she was remarkable. I still do, but back then it was a new revelation; something I had never experienced before. And I really meant it, even though I suspect she had never taken my words seriously.

I desperately wanted her to wake up and tell her about what comes next. Catching myself being impatient was nothing new to me, but in such circumstances it was even more understandable in my mind. Having learned the truth about her motivations behind joining The Order made me curious about her even more than I'd been before.

I lowered my hand, and as gently as I could, tucked some loose strands of her dark curls behind her ear. Realising what I'm doing, I made myself stop at once, but then concluded that she probably wouldn't mind. Or maybe she would? She didn't like touching her hair, which I remember very clearly from that one time at the bar when Greer and Felicity made a serious mistake by tugging it.

But my touch was supposed to be affectionate. At least that's what I intended at that moment. Even so, I didn't like the idea of imposing my proximity on her when she was not aware of my presence. Our relationship was... Well, rocky at that time. I didn't intend to make it any more complicated than it had already been.

I swear on Merlin's name, I got too soft with this girl. What was I even doing?

I took my hand away, but my palm lingered a little bit too long against her warm cheekbone nevertheless. My only excuse was that it made me sure her vitals were going back to normal again.

Praying that she didn't feel what I've just done, I stood up, my eyes checking quickly one more time for any missed bruises or injuries on her. When I did not detect any, I looked at her face for one last time.

Screw this  I thought to myself. My thumb brushed softly against her opened palm resting lifelessly on her chest.

I thought for a moment if there was anything I could say to her. The only words that came to my mind were my mother's. She used to say them to me every time we were about to part.

"Bydd yn gryf, Cariad.*"  I found myself uttering, squeezing her hand in the lightest of ways possible.

Some piece of me wanted her to hear that phrase. To feel my touch.

I went to the door and felt ridiculously content with the idea of her hearing and understanding it some day.

It wasn't exactly the right time for us yet. I was aware that Nick's feelings for her were serious. Did she love him though? Was she in love with him?

I immediately scolded myself for being such a mess, and not wanting to deal with my emotions any further, I left the infirmary.

At least I knew that my humanity seemed to be just fine.

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*Welsh for 'Be strong, Darling'