Motion Sickness

Addiction.

//SH chapter//
//facial dysmorphia//
//derealisation//

After dealing with another 30 minutes of yelling I enter my room, I don't know why but I don't find my surroundings familiar, as I stare into the mirror on my closet door I realise that I don't know who the human I'm looking at in the glass was reflecting. As I stare for longer..longer.and longer.. it hit me so suddenly, I wanted to look away but it was difficult. The reflection started distorting their facial features, who is this person? They aren't familiar. Before I knew it I was in tears, I didn't know why it just started while a wave of anxiety hit me.
I have to treat this maturely. I managed to pull away after staring for a good 7 minutes. Whoever that was in the mirror, didn't seem to like me, or them self. I stared down at my hands, covered in scars I managed to move them the whole day, it was exhausting.
Bruises,
Scars,
Even fresh cuts that were still bleeding.
But I didn't care, at this point I don't feel anything. I needed to feel something. I locked my door as I grabbed a box cutter that was conveniently on my bedside table, I pulled up my sleeves to reveal a oddly traumatic arm, I almost feel bad for it but who cares? I felt the adrenaline kick in as I start slitting my wrists, I moved up without thinking, to my whole arm, to my shoulders down to my thighs.
I closed my eyes halfway through, opening them was shocking as I saw white. I panicked for I did not know how this happened. Nor this was supposed to happen. I decide to finally stop as my body wasn't taking it so well, I cleaned up myself,
which took a while. As I'm cleaning I think about how sad it is that children my age and younger have to deal and go through this, it's truly sad and disappointing because of this generation we live in today. After an hour things have dried. I can barely twist my arm now. But it just comes with severely hating yourself.