haunted by the past

19. the one with what ifs

I had given in and I was laying on my back staring at the sealing while Pierre was somewhere on the floor probably already on sleep.

I didn't feel like crying anymore. I just felt a little empty. I had been thinking about Jules, and all the what if's. I had been thinking about what Pierre had said about losing to Jules. I had been thinking about how both my brothers still thought I was sick and I had been thinking about how uncomfortable it must've been to sleep on cold hard floor.

Yeah, I was feeling guilty, and I had no idea why.

"Pierre" I said quietly and got a response back right away to my surprise.

"Eliza"

"Do you want to get into the bed?" I asked trying not to come off wrong.

"Do you want me to come to the bed?" he asked little surprised turning the whole thing against me. I could hear the double meaning behind his voice and I groaned.

"I feel bad letting you sleep on the floor and there is plenty of room in the bed, so I just thought to be nice" I stuttered nervous. I didn't know why I suddenly felt nervous around him, maybe it was because all the crying and the tiredness sneaking up on me little by little, but I felt weak not being able to stood up against him like I was used to.

"Relax, I know what you meant" Pierre said flopping down next to me letting out a sigh as his body hit the mattress.

I slowly turned on my side, so I was now facing the silhouette of the French. He stared up to the ceiling as my eyes wondered on his figure. His chest rose up and down steady and it made me relax a little myself too.

It was like he was sensing my eyes on him as he turned his head towards me.

He didn't say anything and neither did I, we just stared at each other. After a while I couldn't help myself, I had to ask so I opened my mouth.

"What did you mean by losing me?" I asked quietly.

"It's not important" He said back calmly.

"It sounds pretty important to me" I argued him.

"Well, it's in the past, and it doesn't matter anymore" he sighed turning back on his back before continuing. "It wouldn't change anything anymore" he said, but I could hear a pinch of pain in his voice and I wondered what cause that.

"Okay" I said not having the power argue him anymore right now.

"You should get some sleep" was the next thing he said and he turned his back on me like I had hurt him or something.

"I'm not tired" I whispered, but I wasn't even sure if he heard me.

"Oh really" he asked turning to look back at me. "You're lying" he nodded.

"No I'm not, I just feel powerless, but not tired" I told him truthfully. "My mind is going crazy so I don't think I'm sleeping tonight" I added.

"You just need to get your mind of all of that" he said and I didn't like his tone. It sounded like he had one of those brilliant ideas of his that were idiotic to everyone else.

"I really don't think that's possible" I sighed. There was no getting my brother, Jules or even Pierre's words out of my mind. I wouldn't be surprised if there was smoke coming out of my ears as my brains were overloaded with information and they were trying to process it all.

The room was silent and I turned on my back so I was back staring at the ceiling, when I felt a hand on my arm. The fingers moved slowly up my arm towards my neck.

"What are you doing?" I hissed to the guy touching my arm.

"Taking you mind off things" he answered. "Don't worry I won't try anything, just relax" he told me before I could even blame him for making some stupid move on me while I was down. "Not today" he added making my heart beat a little faster, what was that supposed to mean. Pierre kept drawing circles on my arms and little by little I felt my eyes getting heavier. The fingers on my skin left little sparks behind them and I finally felt relaxed, I couldn't think about anything but his hands running on the surface of my skin.