Golden

Chapter XXIII: Only You

Zayn had left them alone. He was always good at reading the room and now really was the time to say what needed to be said between Harry and Selena.

Everything was out in the open anyway.

No more hiding.

Selena's eyes dropped to the cement floor. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm sorry I've been difficult and mean and rude to you all this time. I know it was all my fault."

Harry took her hand, "I was too. I'm so sorry I was angry. I wish I was there to help you. But all I have is now. So if you'd let me-"

She cut him off, "I have a confession to make. Before you say anything else, please listen to what I have to say."

Harry patiently waited for her to continue. Selena took a deep breath and said, "I... one of the reasons I stayed with Drew despite everything he did... it's because I always regretted leaving you, Harry."

Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise. But she continued before he could react more than that. She was scared that if she didn't explain herself now, she won't be able to at all.

"I... heard you talking to your Mom. That day, I went over to your house to show you my college acceptance letter. And I heard you talking to her about how you loved being in Triton and how glad you were that you moved there. And that you wished you could stay and just... build your life there."

Selena began pacing around the small space, wringing her hands as she spoke. "Your Mom said she'd be happy if you'd be around. But I guess, before I heard your conversation, I assumed you'd go with me. Or at least be somewhere closer, you know? But when I heard you say that and how... happy you sounded..."

Selena sighed, not realizing that tears had spilled over and were cascading down her cheeks. She wiped them away quickly before she became a blubbering mess again.

"How could I even take that away from you? How could I ask you to go with me and be several hundred miles away from your family and where you really want to be?"

"I know I should've talked about it with you. But I guess, in my mind, I didn't want to make you choose. I just want you to be happy, you know? And I thought that if you really wanted to be with me, you'd come after me. But when you didn't, I felt like I had your answer."

Selena paused. She was a bit scared to look at how Harry was reacting to her words so she just pressed on.

"I justified what I did in my mind, thought it was the right thing to do. I convinced myself and then grew angry at you." She chuckled to herself, "I guess I needed a way to cope with my regret."

"I met Zayn the first summer after I left. I didn't want to go back to Triton and see you happy that I left and you're living the life you wanted there. I was scared and you're right, all I ever did was run away. So I met Zayn and I guess I ran away with him. I learned a lot about being in a relationship when I was with him. But I guess he knew that my heart was really somewhere else."

Selena finally glanced at Harry who remained unmoving, but his eyes followed her as she paced around, just listening to all she was saying.

Selena had a weird feeling swelling in her chest. Just days ago, she was so adamant on keeping everything to herself. But she didn't want to hide these from him anymore.

He deserved to know everything.

"So I concentrated on studying for a few years until I met Drew." She looked down on the floor in shame. "Drew made me feel like he'd give me the world even when I didn't ask for it. He also took it away right under my feet and dangled it in front of me like I could reach it as long as I stayed with him."

She sat down on one of the chairs. It felt like she needed to, or else her knees might give way. Her eyes remained fixated on the floor.

"But I promised myself I wouldn't leave this time around. I wouldn't repeat the same mistake I made with you. I guess I only ended making an even bigger mistake, chasing after what I lost with the wrong person."

The air was heavy in the small room.

"So now I have to live with it. Drew's dead and it's all my fault. I know it wasn't my fault but it just feels like it is. If only I didn't try to leave him. If I stayed, maybe he'd still be alive. And sometimes it gets too much that I... I don't know what to do anymore." Selena closed her eyes. "I'm really, really sorry, Harry."

They remained like that for a few excruciating minutes as Harry tried to process what Selena just told him.

When Harry finally moved, he knelt down in front of her so he was at her eye level, "You know, if you say it like that, then it's kind of like my fault he died and not yours. If I only followed after you, then you wouldn't even be with him."

Selena's eyes popped open in surprise, "That sounds-"

"Silly, right?" Harry gave her a small smile. "Or maybe absurd is the right word."

Selena finally smiled, "Yeah..."

"It wasn't your fault, Selena. And I will keep telling you until you truly believe it."

Harry caressed her cheek and gently wiped away her tears. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead to his, and for a few moments, they savored being together, with no more secrets between them.

"I have a confession too," Harry whispered.

She leaned back and look earnestly in Harry's eyes. Selena took his hands to hers, holding tight to let him know she was there to listen.

"When you left, I saw a glimpse of the future. And I saw you coming back to Triton. I saw you coming back into my life. I knew I couldn't stop you from going. So I just held into the hope that you'll come back to me someday."

Harry leaned into her closer, his lips almost touching hers. "Only you, Selly. It's always only been you."

But before their lips could meet, the door suddenly barged open, making Selena jump. Harry toppled back in surprise as well.

Liam was standing at the other side of the door with an annoyed but smug look on his face. Niall was a couple of steps behind him, with paper bags of food in his arms. He looked surprise as Liam suddenly ran over the door and kicked it open.

"Man, I hope the last Keyper's a girl because this sad sausage fest isn't really working out for me anymore," Liam said as he rolled his eyes at Harry and Selena.