Fools Hope

Chapter twenty two: Begin Again

*-I'm no longer drowning in a sea full of tears~*

(Rafael's pov)
She's happy. Right at this very moment she's happy. It hurts. Looking at her hurts. You did this to yourself. I broke her, and I hurt my brother in the process too. I'm a monster. I can feel my heart ripping, tearing, it's breaking in my chest and Iris isn't here to make it better. She will never be here again. My breath shatters as I exhale, I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to live here without her.
We said forever, now I lay alone at night.
I blink, looking away from the photo I was staring at, cutting the connection that allowed me to feel her joy. Why is this so hard? I feel like half of me is missing and now I have to recover it all by myself.
Sobs bubble back up my throat. Deep wrenching heartbreak is devouring me. I really loved her, did you? Of course! She was my everything, I planned to be with her forever. Then why did you cheat on her? Why did you hit her? Do you realize that all the death and loss in her life was your fault?

That voice in my head is louder than ever. Iris used to be the balm that shut it out but now she's gone, and I'm all alone to fight my demons. I can't do this. I can't handle it, I need to see her, to talk to her. I need to make things right. But I can't seem to get Trinity's voice out of my head, her words whispering across the dark abyss of my pain, Iris is not your soulmate. As if conjuring her by thinking about her, Trinity walks into my room. Just bursting in without even asking.
I ignore her. I'm furious with her.
"Rafael, hunny, are you still moping about her? You've been here for days. It's time to leave these walls of pain. Maybe you should redecorate. Remove anything that has Iris written on it? Just a thought" She's rambling. What the fuck is she talking about? Redecorate? Is she insane? My fury towards her becomes even more fueled. Biting my tongue I continue to stay silent. Not taking the hint or reading the room, Trinity continues "I think we should paint your room a new color, we should get rid of all your photos of her and probably think of a way to let go of everything Iris. I could help you forget her, make you forget-"

"What?" it comes out strangled. Angry, harsh and cold. "I said I could-" "I heard you." "Then why did you ask what?" The glare that meets her blue eyes is colder than Antarctica. She steps away but doesn't bow her head. "I'm just trying to help you. I care about you, I don't like seeing you sad"
"Get out" It's not a question, it's a demand. She doesn't bother to stay, or even question me. She just huffs and storms off. Iris would have stayed. Iris would have told me no, defiance shining in her eyes. Iris would have cared. Groaning I fall back onto my bed and don't stop the tears that spill, I deserve this pain, I deserve to feel lost. I deserve it all. What have I done?

***

I don't know how long it's been, but the tears have dried and my head is pounding. I haven't moved from this bed all day. I haven't left this room since the breakup. Not even to eat. As if on cue, my belly begins to grumble. Hunger is ravenous as it beats at my stomach. Groaning, I get up and decide to make something to eat after so long. Entering the kitchen I head to the fridge and open it, looking for anything to satiate my hunger. Nothing speaks to me.
"So he lives" Startled, I turn around. Damen is leaning against the door frame, a sad look in his eyes, and concern marrs his face. Growling, I turn away. "I'm hungry but there's nothing in here I want" I hear him chuckle and say, "well you are going through a break up-" "It's not a break up, just a break." Damen raises his brows, the look on his face says my denial is making me blind. I just don't want him to talk about it, I don't want to listen to anyone right now.
"Right, your "break" with Iris. You haven't eaten since that day and it's only natural that you're hungry, sounds like you need break up food. Maybe you and I should make a trip."

I feel myself stiffen at the words, a trip means going to the surface. It means potentially running into Iris. "I'm not that hungry" But my traitorous stomach growls in defiance and Damen just raises an eyebrow again.
My hunger wins out over my logic. "Fine. Lets go"
He smiles and for a brief moment I see a glimmer of relief in his eyes. Relief that I'm doing something, but then it disappears and he's back to his cold self. I made him this way.... The thought hurts.
"Damen?" He turns and looks at me, I know what I have to do, even if it means he'll try to destroy the world. I can't keep him caged here forever. "You're free" I whisper the words. But I may as well have shouted them by the look on his face. When the realization hits him, I've never seen Damen look lighter. "Really?" His disbelief is prominent, it's a scared whisper, hiding behind the hope that I'm not joking.
"Yes. You're free"