Fools Hope

Chapter seventeen: Is this the end?

*~Some choices are more permanent than others~*

(Iris's pov)
Ever have that feeling that something is missing? That once you have it you never really realize it's gone until it's too late? Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now. It has been just over a week. Ten days to be exact. And Rafael hasn't come back. He hasn't said anything to me. Not a peep. But it's my fault. I should have told him that Tyler liked me earlier, but I didn't. I didn't know how too. And I was just so happy to see Rafael that I didn't think about it. Now? Now he's gone. And I doubt I'll ever get him back. The silence on his end is deafeningly sad, and dark. I'm sorry. I think to myself as I lay curled up on my bed reading a book.

But even that's not a good even distraction anymore. Sighing I sit up, and gaze out the window. I wonder how he is doing? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? I ponder, wondering if he knows that I'm hurting too. My face feels puffy from crying, and my stomach growls in hunger. Zeke jumps onto my bed with a sad whine and his little puppy eyes glitter back at me. A smile creeps onto my face, "you still love me right?" He barks his approval. I laugh. "Ok good" Getting up I head towards my door, twist the handle and wrench open the door. The house is silent. Tyler is gone for the day, to some friends place I think, I don't know or care. I'm pissed at him. He set me up and then...then... I can't even think about it. The horror on my loves face, the shock and pain. The fear, the betrayal. It's all my fault. MY fault for it. And I hate myself because of it. Walking downstairs hurriedly I decide to make myself something to eat. As I'm in the middle of it, I see it. A crisp piece a paper, folded in half, tucked away between the salt and pepper canisters. Weird I think. Finishing it up I snatch the paper and my food and go sit on the couch. Unfolding the paper I see that there is a poem etched into the creases of the paper. And it's in my hand writing. When did I write this? Shaking my head I decide to read what I've written.

Night Eternal
By Iris Anderson

Shadow clung to her skin,
Like saggy clothes caked in salt water,
Her skin is bloodless; pale,
Her arms skinny and frail.

Her eyes have gone dark,
The light sucked out when she left him,
Rejection written permanently across her soul,
Leaving her in tatters and with holes.

Her lips held in a permanent sneer,
Gnarled fingers curled into a fist,
Quick and sharp like a dart,
Anger flew from her heart.

Her sadness is piercing and loud,
It coils around her like a chain,
Squeezing tighter with every breath,
Smudging her like a grease stain is death.

Her heart is dangling by a thread,
Gaping open and slowly becoming lost,
A wound that probably won't heal,
Gone is her ability to feel.

Rage, rage against fate,
Seeping through her pores,
Quick and hot; a ticking clock,
Ripping through her with an electric shock.

As she continues to rot away,
Her brain decaying slowly,
The stars come out and shine,
Showing that all will be just fine.

"Why did you go?" She asked,
Wind and silence are the answer,
Curling up with a silent weep,
She falls into an eternal sleep. 

Placing the paper down I look up and gaze towards the window. I don't remember  writing this, but I did. And clearly I'm hurting. I don't understand what is happening. Or why I felt this way. I love him! I do. Why can't he see that?! Everything in me is screaming and just wants to shrivel up. But I stand up instead. I walk to the window and gaze out at the trees and cloudy sky. The wind rippling through the trees, and watch as rain falls from the clouds. Only the rain doesn't look like rain, it looks like ash. Grey, barren, ash that coats the world in a sickly pale colour. Why am I seeing this? Then everything around me changes.

There's a roaring fire behind me, and pale coloured walls, with a king size bed. The room had no window, only small chairs and one couch, and a private bathroom off in the corner. And... "Oh Rafael" I hear the giggle and sigh of a females voice say. Everything in me locks up. But before I can even turn to look, I blink and I'm back home. Ok what the hell?! My heart hammers in my chest. I'm so confused. But the vision or memory is just that. A memory. Shaking off the strange tingly feeling, I finish off my food, and then head back up to my room. I decide to watch a movie on Netflix but even that can't shake my mind off of what I didn't actually see. Isn't it funny how that works? You have something or someone one minute then they're gone the next. Its ironic how we crave the things we can't have. Isn't it odd, how we take things for granted that we had one minute, only to crave their loss the next. Now that you can't have it you suddenly want it? If I could change how things went, I would.

I'd give anything for a last kiss, one more hug, to explain. But I can't. Oh how I wish.... But wishing never got anyone anywhere. Because we only ever wished for the things that we can't have, ever again.
***
It's been over a month since he left. I don't know if he's still angry or not, but I've tried communicating with him. Silence is the answer every time. By now I've given up hope that he's coming back.

Knock, knock

Jumping with the starts, I rush down to the front door. Wrenching it open I see... Saraphina? I blink at her. "Wow it's been a long time since I've seen you" she smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. They hold a deep sadness to them and immediately something pinches in my chest. "Come in. What's wrong?" She nods her head, and walks in silently. Saraphina is never silent, so this is weird and freaking me out. She quietly sits down at the kitchen table and stares at nothing. "Iris" her voice startles me, it had been silent too long. "Yes?" I ask cautiously, rubbing my hands together in nervousness. She looks at me, and in her eyes I see, depthless pain. But it's not for her. For me. I sit down, feeling sick. "I have to tell you something" she whispers, reaching across the table she grips my hand and squeezes. I gulp at nothing, feel my throat tighten, "what is it?! Tell me!" She heaves a big breath and says quietly, "I believe.... No I know Rafael has slept with another female. He has a female living at his home and, I don't know her name, but he's cheated on you. I'm so sorry." I freeze, raise one eyebrow in disbelief. I bite the inside of my lip and choke out,

"How long?" She tilts her head questioningly, "how long has she been living there?" My tone has become ice cold, and sharp like glass. Harsh where it's usually soft. She squeezes my hand again and looks away, "a few months" her words open up a giant hole in me. The ground seems to maw open and swallow me. A giant beast with sharp claws has shredded my insides to nothing but strips of carrion for the crows to pluck. I stand, feeling no pain at all. I'm too numb. "T-thank you for telling me" she nods and stands. Her hug is unexpected and shocking but I need it more then anything. "If I could change this I would. You deserve better." Then she heads towards the door and I ask without turning around, "is this the end?" She pauses, "the end of what my love?" "The end of my relationship with Rafael? Am I meant to love someone else?" Her footsteps pad closer and her cool fingers caress my temple.

"I'm afraid I cannot say but the answer will be decided by the both of you. One day. For now I am afraid it is the end. Come ask Rafael yourself" I turn and look at her, "how can I do that? He's not even here!" She smiles softly, and opens the front door. There Rafael stands. And my heart plummets, because gripping his arm is the most beautiful women I've ever seen.
***