don't hurt me | j.jk

II - the final straw

"Who the hell is Jungkook."

You don't even get a second to process the blinding pain that creeps up the back of your head because Hyun-woo is standing right next to where you sleep; your phone in his hand being pushed so close to your face you can't actually see what he's trying to show you.

Sitting up and pulling your phone from his grasp, you realize that he's referring to the message that sits lonely on your notification screen;

Unknown Number: My name is Jungkook

That's all it says. You don't realize how long you stare at the message with your mouth hanging slightly open until he speaks up again.

"Well? Who is he?" His tone isn't aggressive, but it's definitely pointed and curious. You decide that you have no reason to lie, and it's not like you even know the guy.

"He's just some dude I met when I was out last night. I can't even remember what he looks like..." and you suddenly feel guilty about telling this information to Hyun-woo.  Despite everything, you don't want him to get the wrong idea. You could never do what he did you.

"Did you sleep with him?" is his next question. 

That's rich

"No, we barely even talked. He wanted my number and I was too awkward to say no."

Okay, maybe that was a half-truth. Full truth is, you wanted to be able to talk to him again. His mysterious aura completely consumed you as you sat with him, and you've never had someone who was happy to just sit and listen to you. He clearly didn't want to talk about himself but that made you more curious about him. You don't regret giving him your number, but you can't say that to the man with his eyes locked onto you, trying to decypher your body language. He sighs and sits down slowly on the bed in front of you, and when you look up at him he almost looks... hurt? Disappointed? You can't tell.

Why do you feel so bad about going out and having fun while he was home? 

"Just... delete the message. You don't need to respond. And I forgive you." he leans over and pecks your forehead before leaving to take a shower, like he was on his way to do before he got distracted by your phone dinging.

You consider laying down again to catch a few more minutes of sleep, trying to avoid thinking about the weird feeling of regret in your chest from the conversation that was had just now, but your thumping head forces you to walk to the kitchen in search of painkillers. Everything about this situation feels unselttling, and awkward. You thought Hyun-woo would be more angry than he seems to be, and the air is absent of any type of argument despite the tension when you got home late last night. Finding and swallowing two painkillers, you prepare breakfast for the two of you, but you still eat alone before he makes his way downstairs again.

Normally, a Saturday for the two of you would be sitting home, doing pretty much nothing with the tv blaring in the backround to fill the otherwise awkward silence. But today, Hyun-woo grabs his keys and leaves, not sparing a glance towards you or the breakfast you prepared for him.

★✯☆✯★

Hyun-woo doesn't return all weekend. In fact, you weren't sure he would return at all until you heard him up to his usual antics when you got home the following Monday. 

Like you usually do, you sit in the living room and let the tv play in the background until you hear the banging start to cease. 

I forgive you plays back in your mind as you sit there. Forgive you? For what? Talking to someone?? All those times you've forgiven him for continuously chipping away at your fragile heart, yet him saying it back to you forces you to actually think about the weight of the words I forgive you.

You've said it so many times over the course of the last three years, but did you ever actually mean it? Can you really forgive him even when he continues to push you aside? Is your forgiveness going to be enough to save this relationship, or have you been hanging your hopes on a broken line? 

You know he doesn't love you anymore, there's no way he does. You feel a pang of shame in your heart, starting to feel guilty because you think you've trapped him in this relationship, truly believing that you could work out whatever the issue might be. You could have stopped yourself all this reoccuring pain if you had just left the first time it happened, but you didn't.

But it's never too late...

Before you start reconcidering, you go to fetch the two purple suitcases you store in the hall cupboard. This is really happening. You're finally leaving him. It hurts still, devoting all of yourself to someone who stopped caring about you a long time ago, but you also curse at yourself because how could you not see it sooner? You know that what you're doing will be for the better.

The adrenaline coursing through your body pushes you to collect only the essentials throughout the common areas of your house, before you stop outside your closed bedroom door. One suitcase in you hand, the other left downstairs by the front door.

You know he's well past done and probably asleep by now, but you still hold your shaky breath as you listen through the door until you hear a loud snore which sets the green light off in your head.

Slowly opening the door and sneaking past the gross, sweaty bodies sleeping on your bed before reaching the wardrobe, you try to silently rid the tears forcing themselves down your cheeks. After everything that's happened, you can't believe you're still crying about leaving him.

It doesn't take you long to collect your things from the room and the bathroom, seeing as you dont really have much to begin with. Hyun-woo has always been weird about you spending money, despite the fact you earn your own way; you keep refusing to combine your bank accounts like he keeps bugging you to do. You silently pat yourself on the back for that one.

You have no idea where you're going when you take your stuff and get into your car, but you couldn't care less in this moment. Tears still falling, you think about the times you swore you could never love somebody more than you loved him. You only hope that he can forgive you for this.

★✯☆✯★

Jungkook doesn't know what got into him that Friday night at the bar. Well, other than the copious amounts of alcohol he sat there drinking all night. He's never been so straightforward in his life, and when he checked his phone in the morning to find that he had indeed messaged a stranger, he immediatley felt embarrassed.

Ever more so because he can see that you had left him on 'read'. God could he feel more ashamed? You spent the evening talking about your fiancee, yet his drunk ass STILL insisted on getting your number. Good going, Jungkook  he thinks to himself.

He wanted to message you again to apologise for being so out of line, and explain that he didn't mean anything by it and that he was drunk, but he felt too awkward to bring himself to opening your chat. He would feel worse if he reminded himself that you saw his message and chose not to respond. His only other choice would be to sit at the same bar and wait for you to show up again.

That would be crazy his mind tells him, but here he is, sat at the same bar you met on a Monday night. The only other people here are either heartbroken and crying into their drinks, or super old men eyeing up the heartbroken ladies. He thinks about just forgetting about it and leaving because most people would in this situation; but for a reason that he can't quite place, he really wants to talk to you again. So he stays.

When his eyes rise to look at the person entering the building for the nth time this evening alone, he realises he's about to get what he wants.