Frodo, you must go!
Take the ring, westward ho!
Wraiths and orcs and other foes
Zombies too, don't you know?
Wait a minute, wizard gray,
I will go another day
I'm going to an all-you-can-eat buffet
I'm too hungry to amscray.
Any second arrive the zombie riders.
Shelob spins a dangerous web in her lair.
A hobbit meal delights this spider.
Whoosh! Hey! There're many dangers!
Strider! Lead us to Sauron's domain
where I can get rid of this ring
before the zombies it brings
and a hobbit BBQ they're cooking.
Orcs and elves and fighting trees
ghosts and yet more zombies.
Samwise take the ring a while
from Gollum cause he's hostile.
Through Moria we must go
a path under the ground, far below.
Durin's Bane is waiting there
but zombies are almost here.
This ain't no walk in the park.
Something lurks in the dark.
This narrow bridge we must go across
As wizard, I'll go without pause.
What's that wet dog stench? The horror comes.
Oh, no the Balrog! From the chasms.
They fall to darkness. Onward the Fellowship slogs.
at their fastest jog.
But ho! Gandalf appears, now wizard white
returning to the fight.
He keeps looking over his shoulder as well
whence comes that wet dog smell.
The Balrog has a crush on me.
losing her won't be easy.
The Balrog and I are not a ship
I'm staying on this trip.
Onward to Sauron's land, to Mount Doom
one ring to destroy, in the gloom.
Through wars and dangerous things
Till we crown Aragorn king.
Fewer and fewer as they travel
past elves and ents as well.
The Fellows split; Frodo and Samwise
enter Shelob's lair to their surprise.
Freed from her web, they climb the volcano
where the One Ring was made so very long ago.
up, up to the crater
and fling the ring in its fiery center.
The quest is ended, the heroes' home,
nevermore to roam.
The Third Age begins, the Fellowship grows weary
to the Undying Lands they sail away.
The elven ship sails into the breeze
Gandalf, Frodo, Sam want to find peace.
Gandalf sniffs the air and smells wet dog.
Behind them swimming fast is the Balrog.
I thought I lost that screwball
but she's got a fast front crawl.
So ends this tale of glory.
What happens next is another story.
