~Another-Love~

Chapter 2: Me

   Most of the time I just sit in my room all day. It gets pretty boring if I'm being honest. I usually read books and listen to music when I'm bored. Every once in awhile I get a letter from my pen pal. He is from the states. Its kinda complicated. 

   Me and my pen pal met in real life and became good friends when I was 12ish. He had to move to the states around a year after we met and we wanted to keep in touch. Only I had a phone at the time so there was no way to communicate that well. We chose to just become pen pal's after we watched a movie together about pen pal's on his last night. 

   He was my first real friend. Well besides Charlie of course! After he moved I became really sad. That was around the time that I started to stay in my room more often. My mother often became worried because I would only leave my room to use the rest room. She would bring me food and leave it on the table outside my room. I never really ate much of it. I would normally throw it out the window for the dogs. My mom always thought I ate the whole thing. I guess it was good for her to think that. I wouldn't want her worrying over me not eating. I mean its just food right?

   On all those days that I stayed in my room I mostly listened to music and cried. Even when I felt like I was over it I would read something that reminded me of him and I would break down again. 

   I used to lay in bed and stared at the ceiling just thinking about why he had to move. He never told me why. Maybe it was because of me. Maybe his parents didn't like me. Maybe I offended them. I would always think it was my fault he had to move. I still too this day don't know why he moved but I do know that I don't cry anymore about it.

   I've had panic attacks ever since I can remember. Sometimes I'll just start shaking. Then I will start to get dizzy. I start sweating and getting really scared. I start to gasp for air and my eyes start to water. I never really knew what was happening until I got older. 

   Back when I was younger I thought I was dying when I had a panic attack since I didn't know what they were. I never told my mom about it because I didn't want to worry her. I still haven't told her I don't think I ever will. As I have gotten older they have gotten worst. I wish there was a way to just get rid of them.

     I haven't gotten a letter recently and I'm starting to thing that they don't want to write to me anymore. I think our letter sending days are over. I really hope they aren't but I won't know unless I get a letter back. Who knows maybe they moved and just lost my address. Yeah that has to be it. They just moved. Ill get a letter soon. They just have to remember my address.

   Well I think that is enough about me for right now. I hate talking about myself. It makes  me feel like I am looking for attention. A attention seeker. I don't want to be one of those. Any way that's all for now.