Wilson's Girl

Part 3

House knew he was spiralling into a deep depression, he recognised the signs but instead of fighting, he submitted and allowed the darkness to envelop him.

Every second he replayed that kiss, the thoughts began to ruminate and fester in his head, dominating his mind and spilling over into his everyday life. Food and drinks didn't taste like they should, with every mouthful he tasted her, sun-ripened fruits instead of bitter acrid coffee.

He would run his tongue and fingertips over his cheeks and lips but still, the imprint of her remained. The scratches down his back where she had branded him, still open and raw, he welcomed the sting when he stood under the scalding hot shower, wanting them to scar and remain a part of him forever.

He knew he had replaced one addiction with another and he didn't care. All he cared about was her.

"She kissed me... well I initiated it but we kissed each other."

Nolan merely nodded and made a subtle note, "and how do you feel about that?"

"How do I feel about that? Kisses are good things."

House closed his eyes and ran the tip of his tongue over his lips, instantly his brain was flooded with a kaleidoscope of images of the two of them embracing. Of Jo finally in his arms, the heat and feel of her body clutching at his and her breathy plea hot against his ear, "please Greg..."

Nolan remained silent, studying and taking note of the silent House, of the unconscious body language and reading between the lines of his admission.

"House, how do you really feel about what transpired between you and Jo?"

Nolan's words shattered his rumination and House reluctantly opened his eyes.

"That's a loaded question. How do I feel? It was perfect, I couldn't have planned it better if I'd tried. The moment, the music, her lips..."

"Okay..."

House glared at Nolan, "that was a loaded okay."

"Not at all, why would you assume that?"

"You're being judgemental. If I had said that I'd had some delicious Chilean sea bass for dinner last night, would you say 'and how do you feel about that?'"

"If the sea bass was dating your best friend, yes I would."

That comment stung, forcing House to swallow down the hot lump of guilt lodged in his throat.

"See I know you House, how your mind works and I know you've spent the last 18 hours stewing, ruminating about that kiss, about holding Jo, about touching Jo. But she still walked away, she's still dating Wilson..."

"You don't think I know that?!" House roared, slamming his balled fist down on the coffee table between himself and Nolan. "You don't think that guilt is eating me up inside?! I've been biting my tongue, suppressing how I feel and I'm done fighting it. I'm in love with her, I would sooner go through the pain of Vicodin withdrawal than be without her. And I had her damnit!"

He slammed his fist down again needing to vent what the words couldn't. "I held her in my arms, I kissed her with all the love I felt for her and she kissed me back! She told me she wants me just as much as I want her!"

He slumped back into the chair, drained from his emotional outburst.

"I saw the look in her eyes, felt the way she kissed me and yet she still walked away. It's not fair, none of this is fucking fair."

Nolan leaned forward towards the now defeated House. "House, at some point you have to realise you're fighting a losing battle. If that moment you had shared with Jo meant as much to her as it does to you, she would've ended things with Wilson. She didn't. She's still with him, she's moving forward. The sooner you accept that she's with Wilson, the sooner you can begin to move on from her."