All About Athara

Chapter 2: Princess.

Reader's discretion is advised. Warning.
Suicidal thoughts and violence.

[Again with Life.]

  I slowly opened my eyes as light struck my face. I groan when the brightness blinded my eyes before immediately closing it again. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I heave a breath. Tumagilid ako bago pinikit-pikit ang mata para mawala ang panla-labo nito. Nang maramdamang ayos na ang paningin ay tuluyan ko na itong iminulat.

Ilang minuto pa muna akong hindi gumalaw sa pwesto bago ko pinilit na iikot ang tila bakal na katawan paharap sa kisame. I blinked twice as I stared at the white ceiling blankly.

Where am I? Did it happen again? Am I back?

Marahas akong napabuntong hininga nang pumintig ang ulo ko. I massaged it lightly bago marahang umupo sa kama. I leaned my back at the head board of the bed. My eyes roam the whole place. The place where I was, was the biggest room that I saw in my whole life. It was a size of a house na pwedeng tirhan ng limang tao. It was themed with dark purple, black and white color. The furniture look luxurious and noble, it was made with fine woods and gold accessories.  Every doorknob look exquisite and the elegant design on the walls are eye-catching.

One look at this room, specially to this heaven defying mattress na tila nilulubog ako sa lambot. The sweet scented white fabric that’s been hugging my body and to the soft white pillows, together with the purple canopy that was made as a design roof on top of my bed. I can immediately tell that I’m not in my house, specially in my room.

Even if I’m rich, I won’t spend my money on some luxurious and big room. I was contented sa kwarto ko na sakto lang ang laki at gamit.

Muli akong bumuntong hininga. Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa head board at tumunganga muli. I can feel my brain buzzes and its telling me to panic. I was blank, I can’t move my body to walk or even crawl. Pakiramdam ko nawalan ako ng lakas para gumawa ng kahit ano. Bumibigat din ang puso ko dahil sa kaba at takot.

I’m dead, yet I’m alive. Ginawa ko na ang lahat ng dapat kong gawin para mawala pero bumabalik pa rin ako, nabubuhay pa rin ako. It was scary and at the same time, annoying.

Why can’t I just die? Why can’t I just experience something normal? Why can’t I be normal?

Sabihin man ng iba na sobrang babaw ng dahilan ko para mapagod na mabuhay ay tatanggapin ko. Totoo naman kasi, mababaw ang dahilan, para sa kanila. Dahila para sa akin? Sobrang lalim nito. Sa sobrang lalim ay nalulunod na ako, nawawalan na ako ng hangin at pag-asa na may magba-bago pa.

I tried to enjoy life. I tried to be happy and to seek affection towards people. I tried very hard to open up, to change myself and be the better version of it. But none of my attempts succeeded. All fail and all I gain was pain and betrayal.

Yes I’m pretty lucky. So lucky in life that I feel that the Gods were on my side. But everything has some bad side to it. My luck was a blessing and at the same time, was a curse. I was lucky in life but when it came to interacting to people, it causes disaster. Disaster to only myself. Because of luck, I began to hate myself, hate my life.

Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang malaking pintuan na may gold knob and has a unique carved, its edges has a silver to it. Sa pagli-libot ng tingin ay tumigil ang mata ko sa isang body size mirror na gold ang design. Hinawakan ko nang mahigpit ang comforter before sighing loudly.

“Let's just take a look…” I whispered to myself bago marahang tinanggal ang kumot na nakabalot sa ibabang katawan ko. I comb my messy hair na humaharang bahagya sa mukha ko gamit ang daliri.

Dahan-dahan akong bumaba sa kama. A soon as my feet touch the floor ay nakaramdam ako ng lamig. Tumayo muna ako ng ilang segundo bago mabagal na nilapitan ang salamin.