His Big Fat Green Head (Caliborn X Reader)

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering (y/p/n)

uu: Y/N! I WANT TO PLAY A GAME

y/p/n: Goddammit Caliborn what do you want?

uu: TO PLAY A GAME OF COuRSE

uu: AND YOu HAVE TO SuBMISSIVELY ABIDE TO MY REQuEST

y/p/n: Look, if you'r trying to satisfy your weird alien horniness, Dirk draws the porn, not me.

uu: NO

uu: I REQuIRE A DIFFERENT TASK FOR YOu, MY DEAR

y/p/n: ugh...

uu: YOu CANNOT REFuSE MY REQuEST, Y/N

y/p/n: Okay, okay jeez what is it?

uu: ...ANSWER THESE INQuIRES THOuROuGHLY AND TRuTHFuLLY

uu: OR YOu WILL FACE SERIOuS CONSEQuENCES

y/p/n: Like?

uu: THE DETAILS OF YOuR PuNISHMENT ARE IRRELEVANT AT THE MOMENT

uu: BESIDES

uu: WHY THE FuCK WOuLD I TELL YOu ANYWAY?

y/p/n: I get it!

y/p/n: I'll answer the fucking questions!

uu: GOOD GIRL

y/p/n: Don't say that it's creepy

uu: I CAN SAY WHATEVER THE FuCK I WANT!

uu: NOW ANSWER THESE GODDAMN QuESTIONS!

y/p/n: FINE! Ask away!

uu: ...

uu: WHAT IS...

uu: ...TRuE ROMANCE LIKE?

You paused before answering. What ? You thought puzzled.

y/p/n: ummm...

uu: THE CLOCK IS TICKING, Y/N...

uu: ANSWER THE FuCKING QuESTION!

y/p/n: I...don't know

uu: WHAT DO YOu MEAN YOu DON'T KNOW?!

y/p/n: Sorry, I...

uu: YOuR SPECIES'S REPRODuCTIVE ACTIVITIES ARE uTTERLY REPuLSIVE AND YOuR DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION MAKE ME WANT TO FuCKING REGuRGITATE MY EYES AND BuRN THEM uNTIL THEY ARE OF THE AIR.

y/p/n: Caliborn...I

uu: HOW COuLD YOu NOT KNOW WHAT TRuE ROMANCE IS?

y/p/n: CALIBORN!

uu: WHAT?!

y/p/n: I don't know because I've never been kissed...or gone further than that

uu: ...WELL THAT'S FuCKING...

uu: SuRPRISING...

uu: HOW QuEER

.:Authors Note: "Queer" used in this phrase is to mean "strange":.

uu: YOu SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON THAT WOuLD...

uu: YOu KNOW

y/p/n: Why would you think that?

uu: WELL

uu: YOu ARE...

uu: uMMM

uu: NOT SO REPuLSIVE...

uu: AND CHARMING

Oh Caliborn. You sighed with a slight smile.

uu: WHY AREN'T YOu FuCKING ANSWERING TO ME?

y/p/n: Caliborn

uu: WHAT?

y/p/n: That's extremely...sweet of you...I think?

uu: WELL

uu: THERE ARE PERKS TO YOuR SPECIES

uu: AND YOu ARE ONE OF THEM

You felt your cheeks grow warm. "Oh my god", you whispered to yourself.

uu: Y/N?

y/p/n: Y-Yes?

uu: I...

uu: HAVE ANOTHER QuESTION FOR YOu

y/p/n: Umm...okay then

uu: AND YOu MuST ANSWER THIS INQuIRY COMPLETELY

uu: OR ELSE...

y/p/n: Yeah, I know

y/p/n: I'm ready

uu: ...WILL YOu

uu: ALLOW ME...

y/p/n: Allow you...?

uu: SHuT uP! I AM TRYING TO...

uu: WHAT DO YOu HuMANS CALL IT?

uu: EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS?

You smiled at your computer screen.

y/p/n: Go on, Caliborn

y/p/n: Continue to "express your feelings" :P

uu: WHY YOu...

uu: ANYWAYS

uu: WILL YOu ALLOW ME TO...

uu: SHOW YOu WHAT TRuE ROMANCE IS LIKE?

You eagerly began to type your response until it dawned on you. "Wait..."

y/p/n: But...

y/p/n: You just asked me what true romance was...

uu: I WILL COMPLY WITH YOuR SPECIES'S QuEER STANDARDS OF ROMANCE

y/p/n: :)

uu: THAT STILL DOES NOT GuARANTEE YOu BYPASSING YOuR CONSEQuENCE

y/p/n: And that consequence consists of?

uu: THAT MY DEAR IS FOR ME TO KNOW AND FOR YOU TO EXPERIENCE

uu: LATER ;)

y/p/n: Should I be excited or frightened about this experience later on?

uu: HMMM...

uu: HOW ABOuT BOTH