How To Survive

3. How to (temporarily) mend a broken heart

You just broke up with your lover? Then this is the spot for you ;)

*advertisement voice* LIMITED TIME OFFER. HEART FIXER... ONLY 49.999.9%$...

Step One: Get tape. Lots and lots of tape. Scotch tape that's clear is preferred. Then, tape your heart together.

Step two: A knife from the kitchen, if not from the kitchen, from the duck you keep under your bed. Yes. I know what you have hidden under there.

Step three: Pillows are nice soft cuddly friends. They're like care bears... They will never hurt you. In fact, they're so innocent, they'll let you beat them up.

Step four: Thoughts. Think of the lover you have lost. Either think of how much you love them, or how much you despise them for shattering your heart.

Step five: Grab the pillow and put it on a flat surface (table, desk, etc.). After this is established, get the knife and lick it (for effect).

Step six: CONTINUOUSLY STAB THE PILLOW UNTIL IT BLEEDS PLUSH COTTON OR POTATOES OR FEATHERS OR WHATEVER U HAVE IN THERE. KEEP STABBING.

~Side note

It is suggested you don't eat ice cream or ANY junk in the process. This can break your heart again, which means more scotch tape, which means more money down the drain. DONT BREAK YOUR OWN HEART-ITS PRICEY.