five stages of grief•ziall

a trip down the memory lane .6

It's one of those days when Niall will suddenly grow quiet. He'll ignore everybody, minding his own business, not a single word to any of the boys. No one knows why he have this mood swings, all they know is that it's worrying and at the same time annoying.

"Z, you should probably talk to Niall about these mood swings." Louis commented while he's playing FIFA with Liam.

"I know Lou but he wouldn't budge okay? I've tried, but he won't tell me."

Louis threw his arms in the air when he beat Liam for the fifth time that night.

"God, y'all are so awful at this! Can Niall just get done with his period so that I can have a worthy opponent?"

Harry snickered at the oldest boy, "If I know, you'll only get your ass beaten down by him."

Louis threw the controller and closed his eyes for a moment, "Okay hold up. Did you just say I would get my ass beaten down by that Irish chick? I'm done. I'm so done. Niall Freaking Horan get 'yo ass here and let's show Harry who's really better at FIFA!"

After a full five-minute shouting of Louis telling Niall to play with him, the blonde lad actually came, his hair in different directions and a frown etched on his face. "The fuck do you want Louis?"

Louis then gasped, "Language Niall. You don't talk to me in that language!"

Niall rolled his eyes and plopped down beside him. "Whatever. What do you want? You do know that your screams could be heard all the way to the next two streets aye?"

"Shut up. Harold here said that, and I quote, 'get your ass beaten down by him', unquote. I cannot accept that. Now, let's play and see who's really better."

Harry rolled his eyes when his name was mentioned and just scrolled through his Twitter feed, already used by Louis' antics. Meanwhile Niall groaned, not liking where this is going. He looked at Zayn for help but Zayn just shrugged. No one can stop Louis.

"But Louis, I'm not in the mood!"

"The hell with your mood. Let's play, c'mon c'mon. Just one game okay? One game."

Niall huffed, "Fine. Just one."

After thirty minutes, Niall won leaving Louis in a sputtering mess trying to explain why he lost to Harry and Liam who are both smirking at him evilly. They won't let Louis live with this.

"Okay stop, Niall one more game! Please, please , please?" Louis even pouted his lips for effects, trying to charm Niall but like what the younger said, he's not in the mood.

"No, Louis. Don't even start with the pouting."

And then he walked towards the mini-kitchen inside the tour bus. Maybe a sandwich will make his mood better? He shrugged, he's not sure but he'll try. He's hungry anyway.

He felt someone looking at him while making his food making him turn around. Zayn is leaning on the door frame, his arms crossed and his face determined and sad.

"What?" Niall asked, not meaning to sound so harsh but he does sound like it anyway.

"Can you please tell me why are you being like this?"

The noise of Louis sassying at Liam and Harry in the 'living room' can be heard in the background as Niall stared at Zayn.

"I'm fine. It's just one of those days."

Zayn sighed in exasperation. "I know Niall that it's 'one of those days' and I want to know why," He then lowered his voice, "If you don't remember, we're in a relationship now and I would like to know everything that's happening to you."

Niall got annoyed when Zayn mentioned their relationship. He started to walk off but Zayn grabbed him by the waist pinning him on the wall next to the door. They started to whisper-shout at each other.

"Zayn get off me! The boys might walk in on us!"

"No! Tell me first why are you being like this?"

Niall got mad, "Oh you wanna know? It's because I'm a fucking hypocrite! Pretending to be okay when I feel the fucking opposite! I'm... Ugh! I have my insecurities Zayn okay? Physical and emotional insecurities. They are crawling inside and outside of my body, poisoning my fucking mind! Just take yesterday for an example, everyone's lining up to you four to get your signatures on the albums except the fucking me, the ol' plain me. Half of them didn't even waste a glance on me! And then right after, you decide to go out with Perrie, without the management's urging Zayn, without them telling you to do so! And pictures of you and her are all around the internet!"

Niall took a deep breath. Zayn tried to say something but Niall stopped him. "Don't. Just don't. Now you know why, will you please get the fuck off me and leave me alone? I know what you'll gonna say anyway, that I deserve you and that I shouldn't let anyone else's opinion about me affect me and that I shouldn't get jealous when you're with Perrie but I am, okay? I think I don't deserve you, I think I'm just this ugly fifth member of a group of five good looking lads, I am fucking jealous with Perrie, and I honestly think that you'll just leave me. But don't worry; it's just like these during my 'one of those days'. I'll be my usual self again but for now just let me deal with this please."

Zayn is the one who sighed this time; he's face pained and his eyes watery. "But Niall you don't have to deal with this like, like this."

But Niall hold him up."No, please." And he turned away.

Zayn cupped his face making him look at the older lad.

"You're hurting me by doing this you know that right? Pushing me away because you think you're not the best for me won't make me go away. I'll just come running back to you, begging for you to have me back. It won't lessen my love for you. Please don't think that I'll ever leave you because I won't. You're my sunshine, you're the one keeping me sane. Leaving you means fucking suicide for me."

Zayn wiped away Niall's tears; he didn't even realize he's crying already. It's just too much; letting all those out, telling Zayn how he really feels, then hearing what Zayn said.

He was happy, then he was sad, then he feels insecure, then he feels secure.

Zayn makes him mad.

And he doesn't know if that's a good thing or not.

In the end, he just simply nodded his head slowly and hugged Zayn, "I love you."

"I love you too Ni." Zayn replied back in a heartbeat that made Niall smile a little.

He then let go of the raven-haired boy and walked off to his bunk, feeling somewhat relieved. Leaving Zayn confused whether he did the right thing by letting Niall deal with this all by his own.

One thing's for sure though, I can still make him smile even just by saying I love him, thought Zayn.

And that thought alone made Zayn swell with pride and happiness.

•••

god this chapter is awful. they're not okay, then they're okay. do you see what i see? yes, that ziall's love foundation is strong. so what really happeneeeeed?

but anyways, a QUICK SURVEY guys. comment the letter of your answer, just pick among these three;

a. lilo and zarry

b. ziam and larry

c. lirry or zouis

please answer i really need it. if i get enough answers, who knows i might do a double update ha. or maybe post another update tomorrow so please please. would mean a lot! :) x