Something Is Wrong (With Me)

1

I've always hated myself.

Why couldn't I look like my mom? Why couldn't I speak Spanish? Why couldn't I lose weight? Why couldn't I be pretty like Haley? Why couldn't I love myself? Why couldn't I keep my parents together? Why couldn't I be the favorite child?

Everything has and will always be my fault. Call me narcissistic. 

That's all I've ever been. A narcissistic bitch who puts a bashful little smile on my face and acts like I only care about everyone else, but I do it to make people pay attention to me. I get heads turned when people realize how sweet and gentle and caring I am. I only care about myself though, I'm doing this just to boost my ego.

I personally think I am the ugliest hot, stupidest smart, blandest intriguing person out there. Welcome to the wonderful world that is my mind. 

This sounds so fucking angsty I might just shoot myself in the face, 13 year old me would be surprised it hasn't happened by now, because back then, every day was a chance of not seeing the next.

I used to write self-insert fanfiction about self-inflicted pain and self-absorbed superstars, and now I'm writing an autobiography on why I am the worst, and best, person to ever exist.

So here we go. Why am I those two things combined?

Number 1: I truly do hate myself. Whether it be because of years of no parental love or healing my own broken heart, I don't remember the last time I looked in the mirror and truly loved everything about myself.

One point for worst person (because I suck ass compared to everyone around me) and one point for best person (because I can assure you I am not nearly as self-absorbed as everyone around me).

Number 2: I've lived many lives. I am only seventeen, but when I tell stories of the things me and my family has been through, you might think my grandfather was alongside Caine and Able with how much I can fit in. 

One point for best (I am well experienced) and one point for worst (I have no continuity).

Number 3: My grammar is ass.

One point for best (I do not care for the little things). One point for worst (This book is about to be ineligible.)

Looks like we are 3 for 3. I guess it will be up to you then.