INTENSE LOVE | Kazutora Hanemiya

03

"Kazutora, here's your allowance." My mom gave me an envelope. It wasn't that thick but I'm sure it's enough for a month.

I beamed in excitement because Keisuke invited me today to go play games at the arcade. It had me blushing so my mom smiles softly not knowing what I'm thinking.

"Just like I told you. I will never leave you penniless." She patted my head. I didn't know what changed but after a month since that incident, she started caring for me more than before.

"T-Thank you, Mom!" I grinned and looked at her. She's biting her lower lip as she continues to pat my head.

I don't know if I will be able to reach her expectations. I'm scared to try, I'm scared of making mistakes and I had to deal with the consequences. I've never been responsible. I'm just looking for freedom to do anything without telling my mom or my friends.

Everyone experiences their own level of fear of change. That’s why comfort zones exist. Remember that you’re not alone in these feelings surrounding change. Many people would rather avoid change because of how uncomfortable the associated feelings can be.

 

While it’s natural to feel that change is scary, some people may be dealing with something more serious. It’s such an intense fear of change that it can be paralyzing and very hard to live with.

We fear change because it means that outcomes are unknown. Our brains are designed to find peace in knowing. When we don’t know what will happen, we make up scenarios and, in turn, create worry.

We, humans find it hard to move on when something known comes to an end. The fear of failure also comes into play to create a fear of change. If we don’t know how something will turn out, we may rather not try because the outcome could be bad.

Moreso, humans are conditioned and naturally programmed to like to be in control. It’s evolutionary. So, the fear of change is both an outcome of nature and nurture.

That being said, it can be managed and altered.

It takes work to realize that at some point in life, everything was once an unknown. It takes courage and action to move toward a path of positivity and beneficial outcomes. That’s why it’s so necessary to work towards a mindset that can welcome and embrace change.

However, I want my mom to be proud of me. I want to see her smile without doubt. I want to repay her efforts. But, when I start doing it. It only leaves me in the middle of nowhere. I don't know where to continue.

"Keisuke!" I waved my hand eagerly as I saw him walking towards me with a big grin plastered on his face.

"Tora!" He run towards me, his hair swaying a bit as he moved. My hand stopped moving and just watched Keisuke run towards me with a grin. His bronze irises twinkles like the lights inside the arcade.

He's like a storm coming on my way. So strong, and it always makes me weak. It's very windy when I'm with him. The air so fresh and water purified. I can't live without those things.

I can't live without Keisuke Baji.

We played multiple games. He won a prize for me and it was a tiger keychain. I won a prize for him when I played claw machine and it was a small penguin plushie. He's radiating of excitement as we walked out of the arcade.

"Let's go eat!" I pulled him inside a random grocery store because I didn't see any convenience stores around here. Well, maybe it's on the other side of the street. I'm sure they sell peyoung yakisoba here.

We both entered the grocery store and went straight to the noodles section. Keisuke was beaming as he eyed the noodles. He's pointing at everything because he can't choose what to eat.

I chortle as I realized he picked up a spicy flavored peyoung yakisoba. It's his favorite, alright.

"How about you? What do you want?" He asked. I only now noticed that he styled his hair.

"I'll eat the same, please."

We were in the counter when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned to whoever it is and was about to say they're mistaken. But, I dropped the peyoung yakisoba on the floor together with the drink I was about to pay.

"Kazutora! It's been a while!" My father. No, scratch that. This bastard made my life terrible.

I shrugged his hand off of me and picked up the food and drink I dropped.  "What's wrong?" Keisuke asked beside me. His eyes were tinged with concern as he scanned me. "You're shaking, Tora." He whispered. And then, he looked at the man standing beside me who was raging with anger.

"Well, I'm sure you're suffering now." I heard my father says. Hell, I want to punch him so bad but I wouldn't want to cause a scene here.  "You know, Kazutora. I own this shop. Look at what God has given me, a blessing! After you and your mother left, my life changed!" He bragged. He fucking bragged like he didn't...

"Well, I hope karma is on its way to you. Since, you haven't even paid for everything that you did." I shot back. His smirk slowly vanishes, I noticed his fist clenching hard as he stared at me.  "I don't really care about you anymore. You never stood as my father. You're just a trash to me now."

Keisuke held my hand after I speak. I can feel his intense glare. Ah, I forgot he's with me. I've gone too far, haven't I?

I didn't let the man answer because I left the foods and drinks behind and just ran out of the shop with Keisuke following behind me. We ran as far as we can, far from that man. I can still feel my hands shaking, I'm running out of breath but I didn't care. I want to go far away from him.

"Okay, okay. That's enough." Keisuke stopped. I stopped too. We both panted, catching our breath. I looked around and I noticed we're surrounded by a lot of tall buildings.

The sun was settling down. The city is getting darker. Why didn't I pay attention to these things before? The sunset is beautiful. A beautiful ending.

"I'm sorry you couldn't eat your favorite, Keisuke." I sighed, leaning against the wall behind me.

"It's fine...as long as you're okay."

I turned to look at him and saw him looking at me already. I blinked twoce before looking away. My heart is beating a different rhythm again. And I'm curious about it.

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