Reassurance

3.

I walk down the cement sidewalk, hiding myself away. People look at me with strange faces, but I ignore them.

As I'm gazing my eyes downward toward the ground, I bump into something. That something begins to speak and I realize that something is human.

"Oh my god, are you okay? I'm so sorry!" He says. He?! I force my face upwards and our eyes instantly connect. He's got deep brown hair, with dark eyes, but right now they look lighter because he's apologetic.

"Mam?" As I break my gaze to his eyes, I look downward and keep moving. I can't help but to think about him. His dark hair with dark eyes, and his cherry cheeks in the wind. Everything about him compliments him perfectly. I wonder if he feels the same way about me... Stop! Snap out of it! He'll never want anything to do with you! EVER! I think as I shake my head in disagreement.

I tense up as I turn left to my apartment building door. I twist the doorknob and walk in. The heaters are on which makes me tear my jacket off.
•••
I enter my room, chuck everything to one corner, and stand motionless. I move around to tear away the numbness.

I breach my bedroom door and twist the doorknob and the door clicks open. I arrive at my bed, and jump onto it. I lay there for a few seconds before I decide to have a shower.
•••
I have my bearskin showing and my first step on the tile is almost frightening. I keep walking until I reach the shower frame.

I twist the 'HOT' shower knob and water sprinkles down and splats on the floor, rebounding off the tiles and
hitting my shins, tickling them. I twist the 'COLD' shower knob until it reaches the right temperature for me stand underneath it comfortably.

I stand underneath it in silence for as long as I can remember. I reach for the bar of soap which smells of vanilla and strawberries, and flip it over and over again in my hands until it's bubbly. I rub it over my left shoulder so many times I forget how long I've been doing it for.

I rinse off the bubbles over my body and twist the shower knobs until the water shuts off. I grab one of the white towels that one of the room attendants brought up for me and I wrap it around myself and rub it against my body until the water droplets disappear. I grab the hair tie that held my hair in place while I was having a shower and tug it free. My long, brownish-blonde hair drops to my shoulders and some of it rolls over my back.

I go back into my room and change into to one of my long sleeved pajama shirts and my long pajama pants. I pull back the covers on my bed, jump into my bed, pull the covers over my cold body and fall silently asleep.