you got the devil in you - Rafe Cameron

XIII - the remedy for a broken heart

A week and nothing. I have no idea where he is, or what he is doing or if he ever plans on coming back, even if he's just visiting or something. God I just fucking miss him. I want him back so so badly. Every second of the day i'm thinking about him. I can't even think about anything else no matter how much I try and distract myself. I feel stuck. I feel lost. I am lost. I need him. I need Rafe back. He was the only thing that kept me sane and alive. He was and is my everything and now he's gone i've got nothing. Everything is all just gone. He doesn't even have the decency to say he's okay or anything at all. Who does that? But I guess it's just Rafe. He doesn't care about those who care about him. He doesn't care about anything or anyone.

It's been three weeks. Still no message, no phone call. No nothing. I have kinda given up with him. I give up with the idea of me and him ever happening ever again. And as much as it hurts me, i'm slowly trying to move on. I keep pretending like it was never real and it kinda works but sadly not for very long. I've been hanging out with the Pogues a lot more recently and it's really been helping me. I spend a lot of time away from school seeing as the principal felt I was "not in a fit state to be in school" due to my mom obviously being gone and the fact I barely show up to school but when I do I am never actually in full concentration and I end up just walking out of school at like the middle of the day. But lately i've been trying to back and actually stay there and try concentrate and so far i'm doing good, I think.
If I feel concentrate on other things, I am no longer thinking about Rafe. I forget about it all for a short while. But that is until i'm home.. That's when it hits me like a huge truck. Every single time I step into my room, I feel him in there. The fact we have so many memories in my room, the place where I have to stay at night I hate it. I can't bear it. But I'm hoping sooner rather than later, I start getting over it andJ get used to the feeling. Hopefully the feeling may fade away.

Week six. I guess things feel easier. I've been staying at Kie's and the Chateau a lot lately because I hate being alone and in my room because that's where my thoughts are the worst. I haven't been thinking about Rafe that much anymore. It's just at night time, I dream of him almost every night. I still haven't heard from him but honestly, I don't really care anymore. I just feel slightly angry at him. Angry at just the world right now. I've lost all care I once had about it. Sarah hadn't heard anything from them either but we don't ever really talk about it. I guess it's still on her mind where her father and brother have disappeared too so she probably feels the same as I do, she blocks it out the best she can. School has also been a huge distraction. I've been focusing a lot more on my studies seeing as it's not that far from me being able to go to my dream college in New York. I'm so nervous but a little excited. Hopefully I will do well enough to get in.

I've finally got all my exam finals out of the way, and boy was it tough. I am now waiting for my results which feels like it's taking forever for me to get. I worked and tried my hardest so hopefully all my work is going to pay off. Oh and it's also been I think twelve weeks since I saw Rafe? I'm not sure I've kinda lost track. The dreams have finally stopped and I guess it feels like Rafe is just a one time memory from my past which is where they belong. Maybe it was for the best for Rafe to move away. It's definitely helped me, well at first I struggled a lot but now, I do feel a lot better and hopefully it is the same for him. The Pogues and I are getting ready to leave Pogue Prison aka school seeing as we have all finished our exams, this meaning a lot of parties, a lot of drinking, and a lot of smoking. I for one cannot wait.

I AM SO HAPPY!!!
I finally got my exam results back after around four weeks I think and I got a distinction in both my English and Mathematics. I just about passed my Science but I don't really care about my science grades. It does mean I have a high chance possibility of getting into a good college, even better my dream college. My courseworks have all been marked as passes too. I can finally submit my scores to the college in hopes that it's enough for them to accept my application. Sarah, Kie, Pope all passed with flying colours too. John B and JJ not so much. Sadly they both failed English and lost a decent amount of marks on Mathematics meaning they will have to both resit their exams. This is because they did not listen to the Pogues and I when we told them 'don't get drunk we have exams tomorrow' and did they listen? Nope. But apparently that was Popes fault? Haha. Crazy to think it's been sixteen weeks without seeing Rafe. I have a part of me that misses him but I know that it was for the best he left. Life has went from complicated, painful to calm and happy. I can't say stress free though because i'm currently waiting to see if I can go to college. But life's pretty good at the moment. I feel happy again. After the longest time I feel happy. And I feel more relieved and that I don't constantly have worries all the time about everything. I'm not trying to talk bad on Rafe but this whole space thing has done me really well and I must say, I can't wait for what my future holds.

• Rafe POV •

"Damn." I whisper. I put her diary back on her desk. God what the fuck did I do. I have made such a stupid mistake. It's been months and months and now she's moved on from me. I get it and I understand why she has but it hurts so much because I have never stopped thinking about her the entire time.

I thought we were better off a part but I can't say I feel the same way anymore. I missed her too much to stay away for another second. My dad kept telling me to stay with him and I did. I kept trying and trying thinking things would get easier because it was so fresh and new so I wasn't letting myself fully adjust to the changes but the feeling never changed, I constantly felt miserable. So I decided to book a flight as soon as I could and I came back to Outer banks. I thought coming back would help and me and Shay can finally see each other again but by the sounds of it, she's moved on, from me.

• Shaine POV •

Today was sooo much fun. The Pogues and I were on the boat for hours on end. JJ ended up falling into the water trying to do a "trick" with his beer which ended miserably. I thirdwheeled John B, Sarah and Kie, JJ. So Pope and I were just doing our own thing while they were all being lovey dovey. We then went back to the Chateau and we all sat in "The Cats Ass" as JJ named the hot tub. Sometimes I wonder where the hell we found him from.

I drove back home from the Chateau because it was getting late and I obviously hadn't been gone all day. I walk from my car to the house. I open the door, walking in I shout out
"Nath?" No reply. I guess he's out.
I drag myself up the stairs because I needed a shower as soon as possible, especially after JJ's beer went all over us. I literally smelled like a brewery.

I opened my bedroom door and there he was...