Pain And Pleasure 18+✓

Fifty-seven

Usually, I'd be thrilled to hear I've shed a few pounds, but it doesn't feel like a compliment when I stare at myself through the bathroom mirror. For the past few weeks, I've been having trouble eating, especially lunch and dinner.

Is it because of him? How deeply has he engraved his memories in my heart?

Sighing, I squirt a toothpaste and smear it on my toothbrush. After Roberto's visit, my mind has been messier than before. I think of his words, I think of his son, and in the end, I gather nothing at all that I can do to bring light back into my life.

That man may consider himself darkness, but to me, he's my brightest star.

I feel lonely and bereft tonight as I lay down on my bed. I miss him more terribly than I ever imagined I would, and all I can do is hold onto memories that haunt me day and night, bringing me both joy and sorrow. Once again I hold my phone, his number on the display.

I wanna call him and tell him that I miss him, but I know for a fact that climbing higher, chasing pavements, will only result in a heavy fall and a messier heartbreak. If I texted and yet he didn't respond, wasn't that a sign enough that he wants me away from him?

"You haven't told me about Adrian's dad," Sally says while applying night cream on her face, seated on my little dressing table for a few minutes now. "Why was he here?" She glances at me.

I throw my phone away. "There's nothing much to tell. He was only being courteous, I guess."

"Oh, is that so? Okay. He seems like a real gentleman." She lets it slide and I'm surprised. But it only stays short-lived when she quickly adds, "I know I've asked this once or twice but I'm gonna do it again since I know you best enough to notice that you're dealing with some shit, and you're not telling me about it."

"Okay, Mom. What do you wanna know?" I retort.

"Are you and Adrian okay? I haven't heard you talk about him ever since that afternoon."

Well... it's about time I let it out.

I take a very deep breath before replying, "He has left. We broke up."

"Excuse me?" Sock is evident in Sally's voice. Her eyes widen. "Broke up? Why? When?" She quits everything she's doing, shock registered in her squinted eyes.

"It was mutually agreed, Sally. We tried a relationship but it didn't work so we ended it. And in case you're curious, no he's not to blame for any of this because I knew what I was doing from the moment I let him close to me."

"That's messed up, and unexpected," Sally remarks, still trying to find her around this news. "Wait—something is bugging me, Ara. I mean, what kind of a relationship did you two have? I don't understand how you can just decide to break up mutually after a hot weekend you two shared in Henderson Lake or wherever you were locked up with him that time." She sounds unconvinced. "Don't tell me what Jake accused you of was true. Did you just—"

"Sold me to him in exchange for money?" I finish for her but she doesn't have the guts to affirm. I burst into a pathetic laugh. "So what, Sally? Suppose I got an offer to be with him for a few weeks in exchange for a good sum of money—what would it change? Nothing! It won't change anything because he's gone! Nothing will change because it may be a business kind of relationship—an extremely short-lived one—but it was the best one I've ever had as a woman! He made me feel so, so many things I never knew existed. I could've lived with it forever if he'd let me, but he didn't.

Tears begin to well in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Ara." Sally jumps into bed where I'm currently seated with a pillow tight on my chest. "Fuck, cuz, I had no idea you were going through this all this time. I'm so sorry." She pulls me into her arms and I let my body move limply.