Pain And Pleasure 18+✓

Sixty-one

I accept Jacob's dinner invitation, a day before my graduation. Is it a date? Frankly, I don't know. After many months of sorrow and self-incarceration, I think I deserve to live like any other girl out there. I want to feel alive and not hanging between life and death.

But how? A mystery yet to be solved.

He picks me up at the cafe. I'm inclined to have my heart beat fast as he holds his car door open for me, but the teenage flutter and butterflies don't seem to move in my stomach. Should I pretend then? Not really. Gingerly, I smile at him and slide into a seat. The door shuts, he moves to the driver's side, and off we go.

"So... Are you ready for the big day?" he asks on the way, making small talk.

I smile softly. "I guess I am. I just want to get it over with."

"Sounds like you're not excited at all. Why?" He chuckles, confusion lacing the tone of his voice.

"I am excited. Well, not too much, but I'm looking forward to celebrating with my friends and family," I answer truthfully because I'm already content with the fact that I got my degree after the long hassle.

It's all I needed.

Silence engulfs us as I drift, shifting my attention to the evening painted on the city through the car window. There's a lot in my head, and I hate to admit that being with Jacob makes me think of Adrian instead. Uncalled for, and bad. I wonder what I'm doing right now.

It's unfair to use him for my reality escape, which is the reason why I'm here. But I'm honestly trying to see him as he is, and not as someone who looks like the man dominating my heart and mind. He seems like a good guy, and he gives me the look of interest that can flatter any lady.

I know his intentions, but am I ready to let him get closer?

Why not?

"How about a movie?" I suggest out of nowhere.

"Excuse me?" He looks taken aback, a surprised smile lingering on his lips.

"Let's watch a movie."

"Um, sure. Anything in mind?"

"Rom-com. Nothing tragic."

"I'm in." He is exuberant. "So, is this a date?"

"Does it have to be labeled as a date for two people to watch a movie together?" I'm a bit curious about the dating concept. "I think I'm just in the mood to do something fun and I thought you'd be interested too."

"I am interested, Ara. A date or not, I'm just glad that I get to spend more time with you," he says gently. "And also... I'd like to get to know you better if you let me. As I said, I've been seeing you at the cafe and—"

"Jacob, I'm a messed up woman." I decide to cut in. He stares levelly at me, bemused. Warm breath escapes my lips and I smile indulgently. "I mean, I'm not in the right mind to date anyone at the moment, and right now maybe I'm here with you trying to fix something that's broken and I'm kinda feeling guilty already."

He narrows his eyes. "What do you mean?"

My chest heaves. "I'm trying to forget someone who looks like you, somehow, but I'm failing miserably because being with you makes me think of him much more than before," I confess.

I see Adrian, and what's even worse... I desire Adrian.

Jacob stares at me, taciturn. Fuck, now he'll throw me out of his car, won't he? Did I have to be so obtuse about it? My patience wears thin as I wait for his delayed reaction, and I believe I've blown him in the face with my fucked-up honesty.