Love chronicles

Entry 1 - how I met him

I have a crush
I have one hell of a crush
I'm not even gonna try to deny it.

It all started the first time we met, no, not the first time we met, the first time we talked.
Actually I did meet him once before but I didn't even pay attention to him. To be honest I only realised that it was him afterwards, well, after meeting him for the second time.
Only then I realised how beautiful he actually was.

Now this may sound confusing, how could I have met him twice if I didn't know him??
Well we both shared the same friends and I think one of them brought him along when we met as a group. It was a REALLY BIG group and I mostly talk to the people I already know, so I didn't even really consider talking to him.

Then what caught my eye?? He dressed up as a character I really liked. That is the whole damn reason for all this chaos in my head. That one simple thing he did. He did not even think much of it but I did.

I barely could even talk to him. I tried so hard to catch his attention all day long, now that I think back on it, I did some really cringey stuff, that I wish I could just undo.

Well guess who did N O T get his number. Off course dumb ass me forgot to ask. Well to be honest I don't even clearly remember, maybe I was just too flustered to ask.

But I did follow him around the whole day like damn dog.

Well and then everyone left, he went home, I went home. But I didn't have his number. I didn't know if I would ever see him again. What a weird feeling.

Then I texted my friend and asked if they had his number. Well that was maybe a little weird, because, to be honest, I never texted them before. So the first time texting them and I was asking for another persons number. Wow I felt SO guilty. You can't even imagine.

I was trying so hard to get his number and that was when it hit me. That was when I realised. I had f-cking fallen in love. Now this may seem like it's not a big deal. OH WELL. I FELL IN LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

I eventually got his number and texted him, telling him how pretty he was. Later on I also got his socials and found out that he uses he/they pronouns and is pansexual (what actually changed after some time)
That means, I had a chance. I HAD A CHANCE.
Ahhhh you won't believe how relieved I was in that moment.

Actually I made it seem like all that happened really quick - in like a day or something. Well I actually got his number after some days and his socials after 2-3 weeks or something. I can't completely remember to be honest.

But I do remember that it was love on first sight, well - technically on second sight, but that doesn't really matter. I had fallen in love after all that time of thinking I would an could never fall in love. It eventually finally happened. That thought alone made me incredibly happy.

But he would never know how much he actually means to me, would he?
I mean I would never find the courage to actually ask him out.

Oh I think I also actually forgot to mention his name. Well, let's just call him Zen for now.
It's too embarrassing to call him by his real name when talking about him like this. Event tho I'm sure he wouldn't even find this story anyways.

There's actually so much I didn't tell yet, but I'm gonna keep that for another time. I hope you will also listen to me in entry two.

Good bye dear Diary
-Louis