In order to love

Kai

In order to love you must be patient. In order to love you must be willing. in order to love you must be quiet. In order to love you must be forgiving.
That's what I tell myself day after day.

Yet he still brings wounds to my body, Tears to my eyes, Lies to my lips and scars to my heart.

Maybe I'll die or maybe he will.

He does this almost everyday. Cuts my legs with a blade just to watch me suffer.

Then he sits by himself crying out loud asking why he does this. He asks the person I can't see.

He bares the truth in his mind and it kills him. He cuts himself, his arms, legs and his heart. He is sick. He's not okay, that's my reason to stay. So he will hurt someone other than himself.

Yet when I cry in pain and see the look in his eyes, I notice something. He isn't the same person.

He talks to himself. He talks to me. He talks to someone only he can see.

But it's always been this way. His father put him through the same pain. The same torture, the same rejection , the same lies.

"It's because I love you." he says covering the newly made wound.

" I know." I respond wiping the tears he creates.

" I know this isn't you." I speak looking into the eyes of the person I can't see.

I woke his morning to realize he was no longer here. his closet empty , but the scent of the vanilla cologne remained.
I didn't cry. I didn't yell. I didn't laugh.
Because in order to love I need to be strong.

That night he wrote a letter for me. He left a fresh rose in the kitchen.

That letter contained something I will never forget. Something so foreign I could barely recognize it.

Dear Kyungsoo ,

I'm sorry.
In order to save myself , I let him hurt you. In order to keep the truth in , I lied to you.
In order to keep you safe, I always came back.

But in order to love you , I must leave.

- Kim Jongin

At this very moment I'm watching as you sleep. Even when you are sleeping I can tell you dream of me. How ? You ask , I can still see the tears flowing... it makes me smile.

But In order to keep torturing Jongin I must continue to hurt you.
Goodbye D.O

- Kai

Suddenly I could see him. The person Jongin was always running from. His name was Kai.

The one who hurt me was Kai. all along it had been Kai, But where is he now ...

The end ?