When cats rule the earth

The Plot of World Domination (And endless cat food)

That night I fell asleep, dreaming of a plot where I. I mean me and Barney, so we? Yes, we. We had world domination. Here's how it went.

I woke up and had a plot. I ran to Barney and Mochi's room. I quietly and sneakily grabbed Barney's bed and dragged it to the hall where Mochi couldn't hear us. Barney woke up in a panic thinking I was trying to kidnap her. She scratched my face and left a scar under my eye. "I'm so sorry Mittens." she was explaining to me too fast and all the words I got were, "Thought you were a kidnapper" "Natural reflex" and "Share cat food as an apology" That last bit was extra important. How could I pass out on food? 

While she was crying and begging for friendship again I dragged her to the entrance/exit to the house. When she had finished, she stared at the large golden doors that towered over her. "Why are we at the exit?" she said in a panic. "You aren't actually planning to kidnap me are you?"

"No of course not!" I screeched before she could have a breath.

"Good" she smiled "Otherwise you would have been in bits on the floor!" I laughed worriedly as she said that, by the way she acted yesterday to the servant I knew she meant it as serious and not a joke. She must have picked up on my tone because she said "Did you think I was serious?" 

"Well yes I did, I mean you can be quite vicious when you want to.." I said

"Is that an insult? Like you just said" she inched closer to me. I backed away slowly. Wives are scary like that you know? She cornered me and said "I can be vicious if I wanted" she laughed and held up her paw as if she would scratch me until the golden doors knocked us both over. We plummeted to the floor. 

She had way faster reflexes than me because she yanked me behind a bucket to hide behind. I screamed but she just put a paw over my mouth. "It's me silly, Do you want to get caught?" she said. I shook my head violently as she slowly lowered her grip on me.

"We need to feed the cats for boss" the figure in the door said. 

"How many bags of cat food do we need?" figure two said.

"Two bags, There's only two cats!" figure one yelled

"There's three cats remember? Mochi, Barney and Mittens!" figure two said. Seeing that someone that wasn't a cat actually care for me was a nice change. I smiled warmly as the figure said my name. Well I was smiling until figure one said "We are supposed to forget mittens remember because-"  

This conversation was too much for me. I grabbed Barney and ran out before they could say another word. I was close to tears but I had to stay strong for Barney. 

We reached a hill that was surrounded by humans who had... weapon things. Barney was a lot more scared than me when she saw them. "Don't move mittens.. those are guns."

"What's a gun?" I asked in a completely calm tone.

"If they aim at you and press that trigger you are already dead," Barney said.

"Ooo! Cool. I'm gonna go up there" I said 

Before Barney could stop me and tell me that was stupid I was already halfway up the hill." CAT ALERT," one guard said as they aimed at me. I just kept weaving in and out of them and made it in the nick of time after some fancy fellow opened the door. Barney was right. This was stupid and scary. But I'm Mittens the cat! So I kept going. I stopped at 3 big red buttons. I was going to read what they said but... I'm a cat. I can't read this. It's in cursive as well! Some humans can't read this. I pressed the big red button in the middle and suddenly all the humans gathered around me and listened to me forever.

See that whole story? You may as well been looking at a rock because all of this part so far was just my dream. Turns out I just sleepwalked into an atomic bomb that killed every living thing but cats.