Strings and Stitches

Chapter 5

Sleeping wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. The moment I entered my room, I just literally broke down. Tears filled my eyes until I was finally exhausted. I'm glad exhaustion finally sipped in by the time the sun was about to rise because without it, I wouldn't have been able to fall asleep. When I woke up, lunch had passed. 

The hunger and the ordeal that happened last night made me even weaker. I took a glance at myself from my full length mirror. I am completely dishevelled, looking lost and wearing the clothes that I wore yesterday.

The memories that happened last night kept on coming back to me. Mom finally snapped but her icy words, "how embarrassing you are," was one that I expected the most. Grace, stop pretending. You already knew what would happen. Just admit it, you we're already expecting those words.

I was expecting all of it but I never imagined that it would hurt this much. Embarassing, Degrading, Disgraceful. I am the only black sheep in the family. I always was but I pretended that I wasn't. And with this, I just confirmed it.

My stomach growls in pain. I'm so hungry that I could eat anything right now but I'm too scared to go downstairs. Looking at myself again, disgust registers in my mind.  It's easy for me to cower and hide but at the very least, I should do myself a favour. After taking a bath and changing into a pair of loose clothing.

I hear a knock from my door and I abruptly jump and hide inside my comforter.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

I don't even bother to answer. I don't even bother to listen anymore. I just let the knocking go on and on until it finally leaves me at peace.

A few minutes later, I hear one knock and that's it. I finally pull the covers only to find a blue note that was pushed underneath the door. I swiftly grab the note and read it. A tear almost escapes my tearstained eyes. Just looking at my dad's handwriting, I'm moved and truly happy right now.

You haven't had breakfast.

I don't know how to cook so I ordered pizza.

You want some?

-    Dad

P.S. Your Mom's not here.

It doesn't take me long to fling the door open and run downstairs. I don't know exactly why I'm running. The fact that my Mom's not at home and I'm safe or because hunger has finally consumed what's left of my fear.

When I finally reach the end of the stairs, I try to breathe carefully. I'm breathing and walking as if I can't breathe or walk. The heavy scent of newly brewed coffee fills the air and I follow it. It leads me inside the kitchen and I watch my dad return the coffee maker back in its place.

When he turns and finds me at the kitchen's doorway, he just smiles and my heart just breaks inside. There's something about his smile that's different. It's not forced but it's not happy as well. 

It is calm, relieved and glad and that's the thing that confuses me. Is he glad that I finally went downstairs? Is he relieved that I'm not starving myself? Why are you calm?

But despite everything that swirls inside my mind, I can't help but smile back.

At least there's still one person in this house who still cares for me.

After realizing that, I feel something punch my heart and I immediately regret whatever I wrote about him.

Pizza wasn't going to quench my hunger that easily because I wasn't able to eat 2 full meals- yesterday's dinner and today's breakfast- so I suggested that I would cook. Every first and second Saturday, both my mom and Amber would leave the house to attend a social gathering between their peers in the beauty pageant industry leaving me and my Dad to fend on our own.