Confessions of a Gay Disney Prince

Chapter 72 - 76

Chapter 72: Like

[Splash Mountain, Walt Disney World in Florida, 4:13pm, Standards]

LOUIS: "How did you know you were gay?"

LUKE: "What?"

LOUIS: "When you first discovered you liked dudes... How was that experience?"

LUKE: "Well, let me tell you. A fairy appeared from nothing and I thought oh my god, they exist. Ashton must really be Peter Pan. She approached me and I tried to catch her. Is that you Tinkerbell, I called. But upon closer inspection, the fairy was a chubby, tiny man in glitter and green tights. Tinkerballs, he corrected. Then he threw some glitter at me and said, you gay now, faggit. And disappeared in a cloud of unicorn orgasms. I stood there, slowly floating towards the ceiling and got a massive boner made of rainbows and Beyonce. I knew then I had to be gay—been gay ever since."

LOUIS: (blinking unimpressed) "Are you done now? I'm being serious."

LUKE: "Who cares how I found out?"

LOUIS: "I care. Clearly. That's why I'm asking."

LUKE: "Sudden. That's how it was. A bit too sudden."

LOUIS: (gulping) "Like you weren't born gay?"

LUKE: "I was born gay. No matter what life I led I'd have ended up gay. But when you notice can change from person to person. Most kids aren't sexual at first. I mean, I thought I liked girls because every boy liked girls around me. And sure I was fascinated by them."

LOUIS: "Did you ever get aroused by girls? Like watching porn?"

LUKE: "Yeah, I jacked off to straight porn all the time."

LOUIS: "But...how?"

LUKE: "I got aroused by the idea of sex. I looked at these two people doing the dirty and found it hot. I wasn't entirely focused on the gender. I think lots of people are like that."

LOUIS: "So when did you notice?"

LUKE: "Quite honestly when we hit high school and Ashton decided to keep his hair long and a particular growth spurt hit him so hard..." (winks) "Almost as hard as I wanted to hit on him after it."

LOUIS: "You would sleep with Ashton?"

LUKE: (nods) "I'd fuck the shit out of Ashton in every possible position on any counter-space available for hours until my ass feels like jello."

LOUIS: "Jesus Christ."

LUKE: "But I don't think that's weird. When you're gay and have a best dude friend, it's easy to get attracted to them. It's like your and Eleanor's relationship. You're better as friends but can't help hooking up."

LOUIS: "I don't like Eleanor like that."

LUKE: "But there's sexual tension."

LOUIS: "She has a vagina."

LUKE: (makes a face) "Yeah, it's kind of like that...except less objectifying and more human."

LOUIS: "Like?"

LUKE: "Like I think he's incredible and we happen to vibe really well."

LOUIS: "So all gays want to bed their best friends?"

LUKE: "That would be a gross generalization."

LOUIS: "But you said—"

LUKE: "I'm one person—one gay, as you put it—to say a hundred percent of us can't keep it in our pants is like saying all straight men wanna sleep with all straight women around them—which is sort of true because heteros are desperate. But, not us. We have standards."