Don't Love Me

Chapter 1

Ember

I need more. I need more from life and staying in a small town in the middle of butt fuck nowhere, population 3,000. Most of which I'm sure include the cows on all the farms in town. This isn't the life I want. I don't want to be some trophy wife with a plastered-on smile and a baby on my hip. I want to be an author. I'm good at it. I love writing stories. That skill can't be used here.

At least that's what I told myself and my boyfriend three weeks ago. When I packed up my car and drove 1,100 miles to end up sleeping on the lumpy couch of my best friend Charlotte, in her one-bedroom studio apartment in New York.

"It's been three weeks since you showed up on my doorstep and declared you were going to be living your best life. You haven't left the apartment for more than thirty minutes. That doesn't sound like living to me," Char stands there with her hands on hips give me that look that I hate.

She's right. I've been hold up here trying to write the next chapter of a book that will never get published. The furthest I've gotten from my spot on the couch was the coffee shop two blocks down.

"I'm working on this book. It has to be perfect. Otherwise, what was the point of telling Jason that I was leaving him to become a big time Author?" I question with a perfectly arched eyebrow.

She gives me that look again and sits down in the chair next to where I'm sitting. I know what she's about to say so I cut her off.

"Don't. We both know I don't do the whole love thing anyways. Its not what I want. Besides when I become a big-time author like I've always dreamed of being I'll have so much money I won't need a man."

"Yeah, but it doesn't hurt to have a little fun on the way to the top. Preferably on top of a man," she says slyly giving me a big toothy grin. "What do you want, Em? What would satisfy you at this point in your life right now?" she asks me.

I thought about it for a second. What do I want? I don't want love. Its not something I need. I've not had love in a very long time. Not since my parents. My foster family say they love me, but they'll never see me as family.

"I want a scandalous fling. Something only I know about, you know? Except you would know, of course. Like a friend with benefits thing with someone I would never think about going for. Some excitement," I finish, realizing just how unsettlingly poetic it sounded. I twisted my face up in a grimace at the thought.

She stands and starts walking to her room. "Get to a stopping point. We're going out tonight even if I have to bathe, dress, and primp you myself, Ember Rose!!" I chuckle. Charlotte always loved a good party. All throughout high school if she wasn't throwing the best barnyard party, she was dragging me to the next best.

Charlotte had been my best friend since the third grade. I was being bounced around from foster home to foster home until I landed with the perfect family. When I started school, I was alone. In all honesty, I had always been alone. I never stayed in a school long enough to make friends. First day at my new school and I got into a fight over something as simple as an apple. Being a foster kid in a bad home always had me fighting for food. It wasn't until Charlotte barreled in to rescue me that I let go of the snot nosed kid I had tackled. Ever since that day she would make her mom pack extra in her lunch so that I would have something to eat just in case the cafeteria ran out of something. We have been friends ever since. I would be there to scare away any of the bullies who wanted to pull on her pigtails. She would be there to cheer me up when I felt like my foster family was going to send me back like a broken toy. The best day was when my foster parents told me they planned on keeping me. They had thought about adopting me, but they didn't want to make me uncomfortable by doing so. They didn't want me to feel like they were replacing my parents.