Protector (ongoing)

Prologue

3 YEARS AGO

He tugs me into his warm embrace. Enveloping me in comfort and stability. Instantly my chest tightens and a warm sensation travels through my veins. HOME. That's what he is.

As I rest my head upon his broad muscular chest, I can feel our breaths sync and our hearts beat in a perfectly orchestrated harmony.

Jacob hooks his fingers under my chin to encourage my eyes to meet his. Immediately, I am met with the hazel green eyes that I dream about, the eyes that I see everytime I close my eyes. His intense gaze drifts over my body, like he is trying to remember everything about me before he has a chance to forget.

My mind must have been so distracted because I seem to not notice his closeness to me until I feel his warm breath fanning on my neck. Everything about Jacob is warm. His hands. His breath. His hugs. His heart. The way he speaks and acts. Maybe that is why I consider him home, because he is everything a home should be. Warm and comforting.

His eyes meet mine again before focusing on my lips which immediately makes them feel chapped and my mouth runs dry. Subconsciously, I swipe my tongue along my lips.

It always felt as though Jacob was watching me. Honestly, everytime I looked at him for even a second, his hazel eyes were already on me. It might sound weird but it always gave me a sense of comfort knowing that Jacob was watching. Sometimes it made me want to be better, try harder because I knew he was watching. Other times I just felt happy that he was watching because it meant that I never had to do anything alone. He was always there.

When we were younger, Jacob and I would always have staring competitions. Around the age of seven or eight, we were roughly the same height so that meant our eyes were at the perfect level. But as the years went on our eyes no longer met perfectly because, as you could imagine, puberty gave Jacob the growing beans and left me behind at 5'5 to Jacob's now 6'2. So, as we stand right now, too close to even think straight, Jacob is staring down at me with the most intense gaze ever. So much so that if you looked close enough I bet you could see the flames burning behind his eyes.

Just like that, to snap me out of my thoughts, Jacob collides his lips with mine. Intense. Warm. Home. I let out a small breath which Jacob swallows with ease. Instantly we find a comfortable rhythm and it's clear that neither of us wish to stop anytime soon.

Our last kiss. It was the only way I would allow myself to think of it. It was the only way to protect him, to protect us, to protect myself.

In that moment, I pull away with much hesitation and regret, despite wishing to savour this for everything that it is and more.

"I will always protect you"

I never knew five words to break my heart more than these. My eyes stung horribly as I tried to keep my emotions in check. I knew he wasn't lying. He will always protect me, I knew this. But he can't anymore, not for me anyway. He needs to be that person for her, because it was never supposed to be me, it was never us. In the end, there was never supposed to be an us.

My chest aches as I try to gather the right words, but my body beats me to it. My head begins to shake in a slow agonising way. Breathlessly I say, "No"

His eyes widened, filled with so many questions. "Wha-what do you mean no?"

"You can't do that anymore"

Darkness fills his eyes as he tries to control his anger. "Can't do that anymore? What the fuck does that even mean? Can't do that anymore? Angel, I will always protect you." Tears began to sting my eyes again, and my heart feels as though it is breaking just a little more with every word said. "You aren't listening" I barely whisper.

He lets out a deep breath. "Explain it to me, Angel. Please explain it to me"

I say the only words that would even begin to explain my thoughts. "What about Eve?

"What about her?" He counters with a sense of fury in his tone.

"Are you still going to marry her?"

Silence falls between us and my heart feels as though it has been shattered to dust because I know my answer. The silence speaks a thousand words. I look up to meet his eyes again, to only see the conflicting thoughts circling in his mind.

I take in a sharp breath, trying to regain the dignity I have left. "Okay...okay" I swallowed the lump that lodged itself in my throat, suffocating me. "It's okay. I-I don't need a protector anymore. You don't have to be that for me anymore. You need to be that for h-her. I already know what it feels like to be cared for, to be truly protected. S-she deserves that now, more than me. You need to do that for her."

I try to display a small smile which doesn't reach my eyes. Jacob always knows what I am feeling without even needing to ask. He can see straight through my facade so I question why I even bother to conceal my true emotions. Jacob's pained eyes are filled with utter sadness, which makes my heart ache. But I have to just let my protector go, I need to let him go.

"I- we - I" His words come out all wrong like he doesn't know what to say. Jacob always knows what to say.

" I know", I breathe with a knowing nod.

" I love you", he says finally.

"I know" I repeat, "But if you loved me enough you wouldn't have to choose between us. There would be no decision to make. There would only be one and unfortunately that one, isn't me" My tear filled eyes fall to his soft pink lips as I reach up to barely place a kiss upon them.

A goodbye. A promise that I will always protect myself and that I can do this on my own. I rest our foreheads together for comfort and closeness, "I will always love you, Jacob. Always and forever. But you need to protect her now."

I try to pull myself out of his grasp before I change my mind. But as I turn my back, a strong hand grabs my wrist preventing my escape. "Grace" My name falls from his lips, so softly, it was as if it wasn't even spoken at all.

I regretfully turn my head to meet the most beautiful hazel eyes for the last time. "I will always protect you"

With tears streaking my cheeks, I leave the room.