life's stepping stool

lost in thought

**short**

9:03

I ran, I ran without taking my eyes off of the floor. I just let my body lead me to where it felt we needed to be. By the time I had enough courage to lift my head up and wipe my eyes, I was in the girls' bathroom. Eyes bloodshot, chest hurting, and hyperventilating. Why does this always have to happen to me? I have never done anything to anybody but exist, and I never asked to so why should I be punished for it? I can still faintly hear the chants from in here, at this rate they all will be locked out of class just to taunt me. hopefully, I can just wait until 2nd period to get my life together.

I hated people before, but I've never hated people and myself this much. I punched the stall and then just stared at my fist. Knuckles are hard but weak at the same time. They're made to fight but one hard fist-to-bone connection and its instant pain. I learned it's something like that with skin. I pulled my sleeve up and studied my arm. Multiple dark lines going in all different directions, where you can't tell which is the front or back. Some are straight like linear lines, some are curved like quadratic lines, and others are straight then curved like exponential. My arm could maybe remind someone of an abstract art piece. nobody will ever care about me enough to ever find out. That's a good and bad thing. It's depressing.

Nobody will ever care about me to get to know me. Nobody can ever help me feel better mentally, emotionally, or physically. People refuse to even get close to me unless it's to talk down on me. It's to the point I wouldn't be surprised if the teachers joined in. I can imagine it now. Me walking into class and there was just a white flower in a vase on my desk. Maybe a sweet message or two telling me to kill myself or something of the sort.

It may be one on every desk I sit in, in every class, considering everybody wants me dead. And the teacher will just allow it. With a tear rolling down my cheek I do a slight chuckle and look at my phone's lock screen. I have less than 20 minutes. This was faster than expected.I wonder if the students will choose to have mercy on me. Now I'm curious about what kind of insults they're going to write on my desk and what the teacher will do, probably nothing, who am I kidding? I'm already a loner as we speak. I'm crying in a bathroom stall during class, my palms are black from wiping off my mascara, my eyes are red and puffy, my nose is red and sore, and I can imagine how weird my voice has to sound. I'm in the wrong though, no matter what they do, how they treat me, I am the cause. Maybe Masumi is right about me...

No..she can't be. She's lying! I'm better than her and everybody at this worthless school. I'd rather not go to class. I'll skip this class and just come to the later ones.