call it what you want - wolfstar

i could die for him

one month later...

lils <3
hey remus! me and the girls are going out tonight if you want to come along?

remus
i'm staying in, but thanks.

lils <3
no remus please!! you need a little fun!! it's been a month

remus
i know.

lils <3
please🥺

remus
do i have to dress up?

lils <3
no you can wear one of your jumpers

remus
okay

lils <3
okay?
really?!

remus
be careful with your words now so that i don't change my mind.

lils <3
okay!!😳
see you in the common room at seven?

remus
superrr

•

bimbo without the blonde
sirius orion black
if i find you in the kitchen on the floor with a cup of tea again i will start asking questions and you're gonna have to answer

sirius
dammit james

bimbo without the blonde
oh merlin
stay there im coming

sirius
no don't
can't you just let me have this moment?

bimbo without the blonde
if you'd care to explain what is wrong??

sirius
ugh fine
we're talking about what happened between me and moony, right?

bimbo without the blonde
yeahh

sirius
long story short i was willing to risk my life to be with him but he didn't want to risk my life to be with me so

bimbo without the blonde
wait really?
and therefore you're pissed?

sirius
no i'm pissed because i get it
i could die for him
if i were the werewolf i wouldn't want to risk killing the guy i love to be with him
that would be selfish

bimbo without the blonde
mmm yeah i understand him too

sirius
but i want him to be selfish
i want to be with him

bimbo without the blonde
yeah that sucks

sirius
love is supposed to be sweet and beautiful james
it's not supposed to hurt like this
sometimes my whole body aches at night

bimbo without the blonde
you still don't want me to come to the kitchen and join you?

sirius
no

bimbo without the blonde
okay/:

sirius
i can't just go on with my life without being with him
and when he was in the hospital wing the other night after the full moon i went there and i sat there til morning and just being that close to him hurt even if i just watched him. it hurt because i knew i couldn't do anything to help him. i couldn't even hold his hand or tell him i was there. because he doesn't want to. so then i left when dumbledore came  because i knew that if i was there when he woke up it would hurt even more. and it wouldn't just hurt me. it would hurt him too.

bimbo without the blonde
and you haven't told anyone til now?

sirius
not really
i mean lily knows because remus told her before he even told me
so she asks how i'm doing sometimes and that's when i ask how remus is doing
and i know she doesn't want to tell me because i know he is hurting just as much

bimbo without the blonde
lily has known all this time and she hasn't even mentioned it to me?!?

sirius
🤷‍♀️she's good at keeping things secret i guess

bimbo without the blonde
yeah lol

sirius
also dumbledore knows

bimbo without the blonde
dumbledore??

sirius
yeah because when we were fighting or whatever we were doing when we shouted at each other that evening a month ago some first years called for a teacher when they heard us being so upset and well he came into the dormitory and we had to tell him what was going on

bimbo without the blonde
ohhh

sirius
yeahh
he told me how his first love still hurts so many years later so that feels😃

bimbo without the blonde
wait what when did he say that??

sirius
when i was visiting remus and he came in the morning
he asked how i was holding up
i told him it hurt
he gave a speech about the boy he used to love

bimbo without the blonde
PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE IS GAY?!?

sirius
most certainly!!!!!

bimbo without the blonde
whattttt really?!?
but hey
the hurting will go away sirius
it's gonna get better
i promise you
and you'll find somebody new after awhile
and it'll get better
hello??
sirius don't ignore me😡
okay whatever you think, that's the truth. it's not gonna hurt forever. believe me.
i'm giving you an hour
if you're not back in the gryffindor tower in an hour i'm coming down to the kitchen to check on you, okay?
love you <3

•

sirius laughed loudly at his phone when he saw james' reaction on what he had just sent about dumbledore telling him a story about his ex-boyfriend. it was all quite sad, but he couldn't cry more and laughter seemed to be the best way to get his emotions out.

when he had calmed down he looked up and was just about to take a sip from his cup of tea when he was met by two pair of eyes looking right back at him by the door. it was remus. sirius' felt like if his heart skipped a beat when he noticed him.
"oh. hi." sirius said in a low voice.

"hey." the tall man replied. "sorry, i was just getting some tea."
"there is some left in that teapot if you want." sirius told him.
"thanks." he smiled and walked over to the counter sirius had pointed at. remus poured himself a cup of tea with milk and honey in.

"what were you laughing at?" remus wondered.
"james' reaction to dumbledore being gay. i can't believe he didn't know about it." sirius giggled.
"dumbledore being what now?!" remus exclaimed in shock.
"are you kidding me? it's so clear!"

"what? how can you know?"
"i always thought he was! but also he told me."
"he told you?!"
"well yeah... i've been... talking to him sometimes... and a few days ago he gave me some sort of speech based on him and the boy he used to love so... or maybe he still even loves him, i don't know."

"oh wow, i never would've thought he was..."
"yeah... i did i guess?"
"you know i've been talking to dumbledore sometimes too..." remus told sirius.
"really?" sirius asked.

remus sat down on the floor right in front of sirius and began to explain.
"yeah. and he uhum... when i was in the hospital wing he said i should put my happiness first and that i should live my life just like any other wizard."