Sam & Max: Taxi Trouble

As Sam & Max visited Diamond City, they were offered a once in a lifetime opportunity: a chance to see all of the city's greatest tourist attractions the city had to offer! But they were booked, so they searched TripAdvisor to find the next best thing: a tour of Warioware Inc! The elevator doors opened as Sam and Max walked into the CEO's office.

"Well, here we are in Diamond City," Sam said. "You know, I never once thought that a city full of mad scientists, anthropomorphic animals, kung fu masters, ninjas, witches, aliens, improbably young retro gamers, high schoolers with a load of jobs, and a family of disco dancers could have a stable and functioning society without reverting to an Orwellian state that holds the façade of a suburban utopia!"

"Wow!" Max said, "You said 'Orwellian' despite having never read 1984!"

"That should earn me some extra brownie points with Richard Spencer! But aside from that, perhaps you were a bit too harsh with this city, Max."

"I'm just saying! Doyle Carlton, David Sholtz, and Fred Cone would be a perfect fit for this wacky place!"

"No time for that! Here comes the CEO!"

In walked a figure with the structure of Danny DeVito and scent of garlic. Indeed, this DeVitoesque vampire ward meant business!

"Whom do you suppose that this CEO is?" Max asked Sam.

"Well," Sam started, "Considering that we're in the headquarters of Warioware Inc, a company that has the word Wario in its name, and has an office full of pictures of Wario symbolizing his ego; it leads me to believe that we are in the presence of MC Hammer!"

"What?" the CEO said, "No! I'm Wario!"

"Sure you are!" Sam said sarcastically, "And I'm King Koopa!"

"Come on, Sam!" Max said, "Don't compare yourself to Korean cuisine! It's an insult to King Injong!" He turned to Wario. "But regarding the presumed presence of MC Hammer, doesn't this place fill you a sense of E rated rap, overexposure, and consumption?" Max asked Wario.

"No," Wario said, "All it gives me is more money!

"You don't deserve any of this!" Max said, "You already have Wario Land!"

"Nintendo didn't have a choice," Sam said, "It's not like that had another mustached character whose name starts with W who has no friends, characterization, position in the Smash Bros roster, and starring roles outside of spinoff titles who could have benefitted from their own series of games!"

"Anyways," Wario said, "Now that I have some chumps- I mean 'guests' who paid the entrance fee, I can start a grand tour! How good are you at microgames?"

"I got 100 on my SATs!" Max said proudly.

"Okay," Wario said pulling a GBA from his pocket. "Then pick this nose." But the moment that the left side of the GBA appeared out of his pocket, Max pressed the A button, picking the nose!

"I win! It's a new record!" Max shouted!

"Wow!" Sam said, "And it takes you 10 minutes to make Kool Aid! Think of all the lives you could have saved if you were in Port Kaituma!"

All of a sudden, the phone on Wario's desk started to ring.

"I'LL GET IT!" Sam & Max shouted as they leaped for the phone. Max pulled a rug from under Sam's feet. Sam tripped as Max jumped on an office chair, but Sam got up and kicked the chair out the window! He picked up the phone triumphantly.

"Hello? Yeah? Uh-huh. Alright. Uh-huh. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Well, if you say so." He hung up the phone.

"Who was it Sam?" Max said suddenly appearing back in the office after his defenestration.