Do I Deserve This?

Breathe Hia

Authors note: Hello! I am a new writer, I hope you enjoy my work.  Please be kind in the comments, though criticism is encouraged. Just don't go overboard.
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He felt used and disgusted with himself. He used his services in exchange for money. It's not a bad thing to do, it just made him feel an itch underneath his skin.

These were the thoughts that went through Porsche's head as he stepped into the house he shared with his brother.

He had made 14,468.00 baht. Yet, it still wasn't enough to even begin to cover the debt his uncle owed. He just wanted to stop. Quit and drop everything he was doing to just breathe. But he couldn't. He had a brother to take care of.

Porsche knew he should go to bed early(11:00) considering he had to work in the garage as well as Yok's bar the next day. Instead, he chose to nurse a bottle of whine. The buzz easing the itch embedded into his skin.

He felt like he was floating. The alcohol gave him a different feeling then anything else at the moment. The only thing on his mind was to breathe and drink.

Though the moment he really took the time to breathe, his body went limp crashing into the counter, waking his brother in the process. As soon as Porsché stumbled into the kitchen, turning the light on while rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Porsche's senses came back to him.

"Hia? What are you doing up so late? You need to go to bed, you have two jobs tomorrow.", Porsché rambled on as he helped his brother lean against the kitchen counter.

"You are my favorite person in the world. You know that, right?"

"I know Hia."

"I love you so much. Ask me to kill and I will. Anything you want is yours.", Porsche spoke, voice cracking and feeling unhinged, as if his body wasn't his.

"I know Hia. I know, but why don't we talk in the morning, huh?", Porsché responded as he herded his older brother into his bedroom.

"No. You need to know I would never hurt you. I will keep you safe, not a hair on your head will be misplaced." Porsche said so seriously one would think he were sober.

The words he spoke gave Porsché  overwhelming feeling of love for his Hia. When asked about his childhood, most forget that Porsche was the one who raised him, who played the part as brother, father, and mother.

Porsche was there when no adult dared to help them out. The only other person who meaned so much to him was Yok, who had taken them in after a few years of unstable living. His brother was who he wanted to be. Porsché wants to make him proud for going to college, graduating and pursuing what he wanted.

Hia was his main cheerleader and never failed to support any of Porsché 's decisions. No one cared more for him then his Hia. Well... maybe someone else.

"I know Hia. I love you too. Sleep now, I'll be here in the morning."

After those words were spoken, Porsche laid down on the bed and pulled Porsché into his arms. Porsché resigned himself to staring at the ceiling as his big brother cuddled up to him already  falling asleep.

These were nights he would cherish. In his brother's arms, the place he felt safest.

'I will always love you Hia' was his last thought before falling asleep.
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Hi! I hoped you liked the first chapter. I am very sorry if the chapter was to short as I am new to this and I'm not really sure what I am doing. I would also like to state that I am not against sex work,  I just want to embody how Porsche feels disgusted with himself when he sleeps with Kinn while drugged in this chapter and throughout this book.

Thank you for reading and don't forget to comment!