lover

2

you've got to know me and somewhat a part of my story, i was only young so i didn't know much about the world or the way anything worked, i was merely oblivious to most things including how easy it was to be led by people who only wanted to use you. After everything i had been through, all the wrongs i had done and all the people i had met, i could still only think of everyone else i never once thought to put myself first, i just wanted to be of help to people i wanted to have a reason beyond existence.

so i told myself i would take my story and use it to help others, but some how that truly isn't that easy is it, you have to consider so much, if i was ready for my trauma to be out there or if i was even ready to tell my story, only one person knows the full story of my life and there are still bits they probably don't know, but it takes time to tell it all especially when there is so much to be told. One thing i've learnt is you truly can't help others unless your helping yourself first or along the way, i am however choosing to help myself along the way.

It's so hard hearing everyone tell you they are proud of you and how strong you are and just how well you are coping, because they don't see the truth, they don't see how you break at night or how you can't ever accept it because you always do your best to block it out or push it to one side and distract yourself. I feel most people fear acceptance of the truth and of the hurt they feel, it's a scary thing to go through and i wish no one ever did have to go through it.

Some times we forget some people only wish to help us even when they don't know how to, we just don't care to pay attention to it because we never want to accept the help, we don't want to feel helpless or weak, as though we can't do it alone. We are still learning how to be ourselves when we don't even know truly who we are.

The world becomes so blinded by everything that the people in it forget to take a minute for themselves, to take a second to recollect their thoughts or come to face with their emotions they held on to that day, and that's what worry's me that one day people will have become so careless to ourselves that we forget who we are and we lose all we have supporting us, almost like a house built with no cement to hold it together.