Life After Dinosaurs

6 - Confrontation

I put my thumb andindex over my eyes and thought about what I had done. I had letRodger talk me into following my lust. I was being controlled by theforces of Satan, or whatever dark parts of the universe that made melook at girls like they were nothing but objects for my pleasure. Iknew that my lust was capable of ignoring all logic and sense, and itwas willing to do disgusting horrible things.

I punched my head.

I was so mad atmyself for turning those barriers off. I put them up to keep me outof trouble, and if I hadn't remembered Mindy I probably would've hadsex with that girl. She would've been some one night stand. Knowing my luck, shewould've had some baby who never knew its father. I wouldn't havecared. All I would've cared about was getting it again andagain. It wouldn't matter to me if the girl was sober or willing.Pretty soon I would've been a rapist.

I needed to keepthat part of myself in check.

I stood up andtook some slow breaths until I had composed myself, then I textedRodger that I wanted to go home. After a series of confusing back andforth texts between us, we managed to meet up at the edge of the dunebuggy racing.

Rodger's hair wasa little messed up, so it stood to reason that he had been having apretty good time. He looked understandably annoyed at me.

"Dude, what thefuck?" was his greeting.

"Hey, Rodger,"I said to welcome him.

"This party isJUST getting started," Rodger growled.

"Sorry,but I'm not having any fun," I crossed my arms and lookedaway. "Can't we just leave?"

"Did you evenTRY to..." Rodger started, but then he noticed something. "Isthat lipstick?"

Rodger walked overto my right so I looked left instead.

"Holy fuck, itis!" Rodger exclaimed taking a couple steps back.

I wiped at mymouth.

"Ian Smitgetting some action!" Rodger teased. "You must've been having funat some point. What happened, did her boyfriend find out?"

"No..." Imumbled. "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go."

Rodger put his armover my shoulder. I grimaced.

"You don't needto be embarrassed, man," Rodger said in more of a chuckle than aconsoling manner. "Everyone's first kiss is awkward. You just needto move on to the next girl and stop worrying about it."

"No, I don't!"I snapped pushing him away from me.

"Whathefuc?"He asked in a single breath.

"I don't want tofind a girl and kiss her! I don't want someone to kiss. I don't wanta girlfriend, and I don't want to any of this!" I yelled at him. Inthat moment Rodger was the cause of all my problems.

"Hey, you're theone who got some action," Rodger protested poking his fingertowards me.

"I don't want tobe like you!" I screamed.

That took Rodgerby surprise. He stopped scowling and instead just looked at me withbewilderment. I was seething with rage. I was literally huffing outmy breaths from behind a scowl. A swallow did nothing to calm me.

"What makes youthink that's what I want?" Rodger snapped. "Because I took you toan exclusive party? Because I offered you pot. ONCE!? All I've triedto be is your friend and you treat me like I'm a burden. Why is that?Am I not smart enough for you now? Do you think I'm too evil to beyour friend?"

"No," Imumbled and he continued.

"Does thethought of me smoking pot and cigarettes and drinking disgust youthat much that you can't even look at me like I'm a human being?"Rodger yelled.