~ Belladonna flower ~
A gift of belladonna might interpreted as a warning or a symbol of death.
Rebecca Rose - A sweet and kind hearted girl, who tries her best to stay in the shadows. But what happens when her dark past starts to haunt her. With h...
Hello everyone here just some TW⚠️ - self harm is mentioned - suicidal thoughts ————————————————————
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After Lorenzo dropped me off at home. I had a shower, eat some dinner and played with sugar. It was roughly 10pm, time sure when by fast. I was now laying in bed trying to go to sleep, but all I could think about was him.
I smile at the memories I made with him today. He so interesting, he portrayed so cold and emotionless, but when he talked about his sister even for a second there was so much emotion in his voice.
He hides a lot of things inside him, it doesn't take a genius to know he a closed of person.
In the underworld his knows as a psycho who's next in line to become the Italian mafia leader, once he finishes high school. Being in the underworld myself I know who he is.
In the daytime he the school bad boy and at night he a mafia leader. He a person you don't wanna mess with. I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't scared myself.
Rumours has it there was a rat in the Italian mafia. And Lorenzo found out who it was. He ripped his heart out, stuffed it in his mouth and stuffed a rat in his heart then carved rat on his forehead. Honestly what in the Sopranos was going through his head.
But I know it wasn't a rumour. Because I saw it myself I was walking back home from a mission my dad sent me to, an i heard voices they where speaking in Italian. I can speak and understand Italian I knew he was calling me a princess today, but I chose to act clueless. Anyways I wasn't close enough to overhear everything but once they left I walked in the alley way and saw the body.
I done some messed up shit but not that messed up. But there definitely more to the story then him just being a psycho.
At this point I'm just confused. I know who he truly is, yet today we got ice cream and acted like friends. why am I always confused when it comes to him, he so unpredictable. Yet I wanna get close to him and understand his puzzle pieces and where they go.
Groaning as I sit up and check my phone. I realise at its Saturday 30th an tomorrow is 31st of July. Tomorrow would mark 8 years since their death.
I missed them both so much. I loved my mother and brother but a drunk driver who was also abusing drugs hit them. Both my mother and brother ended up dying. it was also then my dad started drinking and doing drugs himself.
He completely changed. He made his friends who did illegal stuff train me. They made me in the monster I am today. I did it for his love and approval only to end up killing him 8 years later.
Everyone thinks he disappeared and is never coming back. I'm 18 so they didn't need to put me in someone else authority. I sold the house and ran to this cottage house.
Only to stay as the monster I am. I hate myself so much if only I wasn't like this.
But there nothing I could do, but except the fact this is who I am a monster.
Finally sleep consumes me. Making me fall into darkness.
Sunday - Graveyard
I stand in front of Conner my brother and my mothers grave.
I lay some white lilies on both of the graves, both of their graves are next to each other.
"Hey Mum and Connor" I say even though I know they won't hear me.
"I'm sorry I haven't been coming a lot" I could feel tears start to form in my eyes "I hope both of you are happy, I've been so tired and exhausted with school and everything" I let my tears fall of my face.
"But i try to come more often"
"I'm sorry" I say which came out more of a whisper.
No one was around it was just me, so I let myself cry. I just couldn't move on, even after 8 years.
God why, why did they have to die. Was I not enough to feel loved. Honestly what the point in living, I feel so alone, I barely have anyone besides Jennie.
Everyone I love is dead or left me I'm truly alone. I hate school I can't fucking do this anymore. I have cut on my hips for every time I wanted to give up and die. Yet none of them where deep enough to do damage.
I fall on my knees and cry, there was soo much pain i held. I really didn't wanna be alive.
I'm a monster who killed and still kills people. I truly shouldn't be alive.
Yet I can never understand why I haven't committed.
Why am I still alive.
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