Limited Hate

Chapter 6: Apologizing?

Woah. My head begins to spin thirty minutes after my performance begins, and I stop halfway through the choreo. I continue singing, but I don't think I'm saying the right words. Instead of my vision being blurry at the edges, it's starting to go black. The sounds of the crowd become muffled, replaced by a high-pitched ringing in my ears. My heart begins pumping faster and I stop singing, my arm falling to my side.

I have over exerted myself. The blackness begins to obstruct more of my vision, and I can't see anything except for what is ahead of me. I begin to breathe in short, quick breaths, feeling extremely faint. No, I think to myself. You can't pass out. Not here, in front of everyone. But I can't help it. I am so exhausted, a thin layer of sweat covers my face as I fight to remain conscious. My eyelids close by themselves, and I can't do anything to stop it. I feel a sting as my knees hit the platform below me, then there is the sensation of leaning to the side before there is a sudden, hollow silence.

"Aaliyah?" says a familiar voice.

I wake to "Life Goes On" by BTS playing in the background. One of my favorite songs and groups. I groan and shift to my side, too comfortable to open my eyes but too curious to keep them closed. Eventually, I give in and open my eyes. At first I can't make out anything around me, but then I see a blurry face staring down at me.

"What the– Felix? Where am I?" I say, my voice raspy and small.

          I remember last night, passing out on stage while everyone watched. Thinking back, I just barely remember someone scooping me into their arms and carrying me backstage. "What happened to me? What about the concert? And the fans?"

My heart begins to pump faster again, my eyes wide and alert. I had left my own concert not even halfway through it! Felix opens his mouth to answer, then closes it and sheepishly wraps his arms around my waist.

"I'm so glad you're awake." he says, still hugging my hip.

He holds on so tightly, as if afraid I would go unconscious again if he let go.

"What– Felix get off me!" I shriek, shoving his arm off my waist. "What do you think you're doing, hugging me like that!"

I place my hands on my stomach under the blanket to prevent him from hugging me again. He stares at me and chuckles. I glare at him, but I can't stay mad. So instead of yelling at him, I release all my anger into a loud sigh. "Mind explaining what happened?"

"Well, you sort of, like, uh– fainted on stage. . ." he lingers on the word "stage" and I throw my head back onto my pillow, not even realizing that I had lifted it up.

Felix grins at me. I wish he would stop, because it's starting to freak me out, the fact that he does it so often. "Basically everyone in the crowd was really shocked, but a lot of them were also really worried. The medics and I rushed onto the stage to check what was up with you. We figured out that you had fainted, if it wasn't obvious before. So I er— carried you backstage."

He quickly looks away at the last part, completely avoiding my eyes. I look away from him, too, and stare at the blankets covering me.

"You. . . carried me–?" I ask slowly, trying my best to remember what happened. So the person who lifted me was him. Really?

"Yeah, I did. Got a problem with it?" Felix says angrily, acting as if I had insulted him. I stare at him, confused, when the anger I exhaled returns.

"Out of everyone. Everyone! They had to pick you to drag me off stage." I murmur furiously, throwing all my anger into the word, "you".

However, I have the faint impression that no one picked him to lift me up. But why else would he do it? He doesn't care about me! All he cares about is probably the money he's getting for this job, like usual. Well, unlike him, I actually enjoy my career and do it because I have fun doing it, not just for the money. Okay, I have fun doing some of it, anything but the song writing and conference meetings.

"Look, at least be grateful that I took you downstairs. No one picked me to bring you off stage. I decided to," Feilx says wearily. "Honestly, I could've just left you there had I chosen to."

"Kind of wish you did leave me there," I spit back at him, removing my hands from my abdomen and placing them on top of the thin cotton blankets.

I fiddle with the blankets while trying to calm down. It doesn't work. "You couldn't though. It's your job to make sure I'm okay. Did it for the money, didn't you?" I say, unable to hold it back. Stop, I think. Not everything's about you. Be considerate, maybe he did it because he actually cares. My arms drop to my sides and I puff my cheeks while exhaling.

"Hey, I heard that! How ungrateful of you," Felix snarls, now glaring at me. He rolls his eyes before saying, "At least thank me."

Trying my best to not throw every insult I know at him, I manage to mutter, "Fine. . . thanks, I guess." Felix's face relaxes slightly and he smiles.

"No problem!" he says cheerfully. He suddenly looks to the ground and begins twiddling with his fingers. "Look, I've been meaning to apologize to you. I'm sorry that I haven't been very nice."

I'm surprised at his sudden apology, but decide that this is the time to get rid of years of hatred towards him.

"Yeah, I could probably say the same." I mumble, gazing at the ceiling and subconsciously counting the tiles. I glance at the needle in my forearm, pumping nutrients into my body.

"Not just that, I'm sorry about what my parents did to yours. I haven't really been able to properly apologize, and I atleast want you to know that I am sorry. That I do actually care about your feelings." he adds, still staring intensely at the ground.

A few seconds go by, and he finally looks up. I stare at him, realizing this is the first time I've actually looked at him and paid attention. He has these sparkling blue eyes and pale skin, along with dark brown hair currently cut into a mullet. I've always hated that hair style, but it looks decent on him.

"Thank you," I say, my lips curling into a small smile.

I also hate apologies, though I always want one. I hate them because of how vulnerable they make me feel. "That really is all I ever wanted to hear. I know it really isn't your fault, and I shouldn't have been mad at you, so I'm sorry for that too."

I watch Felix closely as tears swim into his eyes. Why is he crying? Whatever the reason, it's making me sad so I look away, focusing on my blanket again.

"Are we good, now?" he asks, blinking rapidly. I have the same habit. When I cry, I tend to blink as fast as I can to rid myself of the tears.

"We're good," I say, resting my head on my pillow, now overcome with sleepiness. "Just keep being nice." I hear Felix chuckle before drifting off, comforted by relief and a new feeling stirring in my chest.