Shitty Love Story

Chapter Three: Revival

When you sleep what exactly is happening? If you're not dreaming you're not really conscious either. It's in a state of limbo where you're neither dead nor alive. Everything is way more peaceful to me, except for when my phone decides to ring under my shoulder bones and vibrate my entire skeleton until I'm awake.

My eyes were far too groggy and fuzzy to tell if it was my alarm for school or someone calling me at an ungodly hour; so I just hit a button and waited. Alarm. Time for hell... No matter how much Keith fucked me over I still have to be alive every day for school.

All I could focus on while going through the motions that day were how Keith told me he loved me. What if he still loved me? What if he was thinking about me at this very moment and was wishing for me to think of him as well? Impossible. Keith wasn't some guy smitten with love. He hated The Notebook, Titanic, anything romantic at all. That was okay to me for a while. I thought it was silly that he treated me so cheesy Hallmark while he actually hated romance in general. Keith liked sex. Then, I started thinking how Keith was in a band; he was probably screwing some groupie's brains out.

"Robert asked me to prom." My eyes shot to Clementine.

Her parents were big time Hippies. So they named her Clementine and ever since we met she's been my Clem. No one else could be my best friend like her. No surprise she was asked to prom; she's fucking gorgeous. Long blonde hair, anime sized blue eyes, average body shape with killer legs. Drop dead gorgeous. Typical American fantasy.

I felt like I started making things about myself when I told her that Timothy, the fling after Keith, was going to prom with a girl he worked with, although we're still 'going steady'. Clem didn't seem to acknowledge it too much as she told me all about what Robert did. I, of course, throwing in how cute I thought it was and asking when she wanted to go dress shopping. I was really, truly happy for her.

"Harper, I feel bad. He likes me. A lot. But, he's just one of my good friends. I don't want him to feel led on."

"So tell him that, hun." She nodded and pulled out her phone. After a few minutes of typing she had me read the totally good-natured-Clementine text message for he date. I looked up at her from her phone and - "He'll get it." - smiled.

The rest of the day went by in a blur and a text from Keith that went ignored.

Even after being apart for months, Keith still insisted on texting me or sending me video messages to show me how he's living his life and I'm apparently still stuck in a shitty life style like I have been forever. That's the worst thing about Keith. Neither the name calling or the constant victim shaming he attacked me with would ever be as horrible as him rubbing the fact that he could pick up and carry on in my face. Nothing Keith ever did hurt me like him rubbing salt in my wounds.

-

"Harper! Timothy's out front!" I flinched wen my mom yelled across the house to me.

I sighed as I pulled on my cardigan over a tight v-neck and slipped my shoes on. Going to dinner with Timothy tonight would be hard. We never had much in common and we never had time for each other. We liked each other though, and I would use him to get my mind off Keith for the next hour.

"Hey you." I jabbed my phone into my purse as I sat in the too-low-to-the-ground car Timothy drove. He smiled and against his dark complexion his teeth shone like freshly polished opal. I felt a pang in my heart when I subconsciously compared him to Keith. Maybe this won't take him off my mind...

"So, we hired a new guy at work. He's creepy. Like, serial killer creepy. But he's friends with the creeper guy who recommended him so no surprise there. I hate working here. After I graduate I'm gonna work at ElderCo. I need my diploma first." 

"Oh, yeah? That's pretty cool."

"You don't exactly seem interested in the conversation."

I flinched and stuttered out an apology. After that we ate in almost complete silence. He didn't talk about work and I would only comment on food once in a while. I began to feel bad. Then I realized Keith was always right; I really was the one to shut people out and stop talking to people. I also realized that I began to do that whenever and a guy was self absorbed and acted as though I was invisible.

The car ride with Timothy was horribly awkward. I thought in silence. He drove in silence. It was far too silent. Neither of us knew what to say. So we said nothing.

-

Life after Keith was always kind of like this. Awkward and too quiet... No one compared to Keith when he loved me. No one compared to the way he did anything with me and that's why it killed me to find a guy.

No one would ever be like Keith.