The Novelty of Existence

2

𝙽𝚂 ⋆ 𝙰𝚞𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝 ⋆ 𝙰𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗

I sat patiently as Mo patted my hair down. I wondered to myself why I had overslept so much. Maybe I didn't want to go. Maybe. She hummed along to the radio as she pushed her fingers through the sides of my hair.

Here was the thing about Paloma: she really cared about other people. And she molded herself into everyone's lives effortlessly. Like, she could sense where she could fit perfectly. And somehow, from the first time we met, she knew I was missing a mother.

"I like the new undercut, very cool." She smiled, and pinched my cheeks, "My handsome boy."

She cooed jokingly. I pushed her away and spun back to face the right way in my seat.

There was a dynamic within this group that gave me overwhelming comfort. Where would I get this feeling again? Together, we just worked. Somehow. And separately, it was like I could be any of the me's I had inside.

If I was sick of being stuck under my dad's thumb, I could do something reckless and fun with Wes at the helm, like the bridge jumping incident.

If I was stressed from school, I could sit in total silence with Danny until I was ready to turn back on again.

If I was worried about an upcoming social interaction, like that stupid job interview, Mo would stay with me for hours rehearsing different scenarios until I felt better.

People think I'm cold and that I don't care about anything or anyone. I guess I have one of those faces. Sometimes I actually don't care, but most of the time, I'm just too nervous to talk.

I could talk to those guys, our little white van squad. But, what was going to happen at uni? That was the big question hanging over our heads that whole trip. We all tried to push it aside so we could enjoy it. Once this group was apart, we all started living our separate adult lives... It was weird to think about.

"I gotta pee," Paloma stated, fidgeting in her seat a little.

"Mo, we're not even out of the province yet."

"Province?" Wes scoffed, "We ain't even at Truro yet. It's been less than an hour, Sasquatch."

"And I've held it as long as I could."

We all groaned.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do we not have a month to get to Vancouver and back? Are we in some kind of rush?" Mo threw her hands up in the air, "Did I hop in the wrong ugly white van?"

"Hey!" Interrupted Wes, blue eyes aflame, "You leave Francesca out of this."

I tapped the window aimlessly as they argued. This trip was different for those two, they were going right back home afterward. Would they stick together, the last remnants of a group torn apart?

"Stop swerving to hit potholes intentionally, jackass!"

"Cry me a river of piss, Mo!"

"Shut up, guys." Danny waved his hand between them. He pointed at a sign ahead of us, "Washrooms in half a mile."

I smiled to myself. He didn't think of himself as a leader, but he was. Daniel was the glue keeping the group tight.

I was too flaky. If things got tough I hid or ran away. As for conflict, I either participated for fun or pretended it wasn't happening.

Wes was a bottle rocket. He was either good crazy or bad crazy. No in-between.

And Paloma was our wild card. She could be kind and compassionate, but she could be super impatient as well. Sometimes she could be almost Wes crazy. Not quite, but almost. That's why I wondered what would happen when they were left alone.

Danny was a perfect leader. He was level-headed and easygoing. He did fun, stupid stuff with us, but first, he would tell us of the potential dangers.

"Don't dive, we don't know how deep it is, and it's better to break your legs than your neck." He would say that time that we found that 25-foot cliff in Joggins.

Mo and I had shared a look of nervousness.

"Let's get it." Wes had said, before running full speed past us all and off the cliff.

We all ran to the edge and peered over, waiting for him to emerge. When he came up, he shook his head and whooped triumphantly.

Mo shrugged and jumped in after him.

"That's why we need Wes." Danny had said to me with a chuckle and a slap on the back before we jumped in after them.

The old van screeched into the little dirt parking lot off the side of the highway and stopped abruptly.

"Pee break." I deadpanned, still holding onto the back of Daniel's seat.

"I hate all of you." Mo deadpanned back as she roughly slid the door open.