Break the Ice

Chapter One

T A R Y N

Multiple cheers erupt from the stands as I gracefully loop around the rink. Each one of my movements is on point and I exaggerate the reaching out motion that pairs perfectly with the melody of the song. The next thing I know is I'm spinning with my leg extended behind me, I grab the bottom of my skate and lift it over my head. I count in my head as I hold the position.

One, two, three... My brain registers the slight change in the music, the beat picks up in a daunting manner. This is the build up, that means I'm nearing the point of my double axel. Everything around me is a blur while I pick up the pace, setting myself up to take off forward. The next few seconds play out like this.

I'm in the air, spinning.

My skates hit the ice.

My foot placement isn't right, I didn't have enough control.

I'm falling.

I hit the ice.

No, my head hits the ice.

It all happens so fast, yet I was painfully aware of each passing moment. I hear the gasps of people echoing around me before the ringing in my ears takes over and my vision swirls before going black.

I jolt up in a cold sweat, my breathing is ragged as I scan my room. I lift my hand to my chest. I'm in my room, I'm not at the skating arena. I'm lying on my bed, I'm not lying on the ice. I repeat those phrases in my head until my breathing calms and I'm no longer in a panicked state. I recall my dream, that really wasn't a dream but was a memory as I trace my fingers over the two inch scar on the lower left back-side of my head. It's almost like I can feel the stinging pain all over again. With a sigh, I remove my hand and swing my legs over my bed. I only take a few steps before a small figure bursts through my door, runs around my bed and straight into me like a hurricane.

"Izzie, what in the world is wrong with you?" I groan at the young girl whose arms wrap around me and peers up innocently. If those adorable blue eyes didn't melt away the annoyance building in me, then her crooked smile with all her teeth overly showing did the job. She sways side to side, "You promised to spend the day with me and do whatever I want!"

My lips pressed together, I did indeed tell her that but I figured with that wild mind of hers that she would have forgotten about it in the last couple days. But by the look on her face, it seemed like that's been the only thing she's been looking forward to the past couple days. I would be a terrible big sister if I cancelled on her because of the mere fact that I wasn't feeling up to it. With a reluctant grin I respond, "How could I forget? Go get dressed and make sure to bundle up."

As quick as she entered my room, she dashed out of it. I quickly change out of my plaid pajama pants and t-shirt, I opt to wear a thick pair of leggings with a beige sweater over a turtleneck. I sport a cream beanie to go with my outfit and keep some kind of warmth on my head.

By the time I'm walking into the kitchen, Izzie is already there. She's dressed in an all pink sweatsuit and snow boots, her ears muffs covering almost both sides of her head. She gives me a thumbs up to inform she's ready to go.

I guide her out of the house and into the snowy air. Izzie declared the first thing she wants to do is get hot chocolate so we walk along the shoveled sidewalk to the nearest cafe. On our way we pass the outdoor rink with lots of kids and adults skating around the loop.

See, the thing about living out here in Colorado is that there is always a skating rink. Especially with the winter weather coming in, more and more tourists are flocking in to visit not only the ski resorts but these rinks too. I feel my stomach twist and I try to disregard it, but when I see Izzie eyeing the rink it only becomes worse. I already know the next words that are going to leave her mouth.

   "I want to go skating!" She says, confirming my suspicions. I internally scream but on the outside I smile and nod. The last thing I want to do is be on the ice after my dream last night. But arguing with a 11 year old is the last thing on my to do list, and lord knows what Izzie will pull if she doesn't get her way.

Once Izzie gets her hot chocolate and I have a hot coffee in my hand, we march ourselves right back to our house to get changed. I refuse to take Izzie back to that crowded rink so we settle with going to, what Izzie likes to call, my "secret spot".

Not too far from our house is a small lake that's completely frozen over. It's the perfect secluded spot to practice skating, but the perks of it only last when the weather is cold enough to keep the water frozen. I help Izzie with her skates before dealing with my own. I'm removing the guards off of my skates and Izzie is already doing turns on the ice.

They're clean and if she learned how to control her form while speeding up her turns then she'd have better technique than the girls a year ahead of her. The thing about Izzie, however, is she's a quick learner and an even more determined person. A thing that a lot of skaters I've competed against lack.

I never had a doubt in my mind that Izzie will one day surpass me, but the almost 8 year age gap between us is the only thing keeping that day far, far away. I skate out to the center of the lake, lazily skating in figure eights. Izzie comes up to me, "Can you pretty please watch my jumps and give me tips?!" I tell her yes because she's practically bubbling with anticipation and almost explodes with excitement when I agree.

I find a rock by the edge and sit on it, allowing Izzie to have the lake to herself. I watch her intently, doing my best to keep track of any mistakes or things that she can improve on but I get distracted by the drastic difference between Izzie and I.

She skates with no fear, and when she jumps it looks like she defies gravity. There's no weight to hold her down, there's nothing holding her back from executing her skills. Izzie doesn't fall. She doesn't worry about falling because she's not scared to.

I am.

She pops her last loop jump and hangs her head low as she makes her way back over. She shrugs her shoulders in a way to say she has no idea what happened with the last one, I wave it off.

"You get better with every skate, Iz. But you need to watch your chest with your single lutz. After you landed, it dropped and threw off your balance a little. If you keep your chin up and really focus on holding your body up, it'll stop your chest from dropping." I instruct. She nods with her hands on her hips. "You also didn't put enough weight on your right leg with that loop jump, it killed your momentum. "

"Yeah I know," Izzie starts, she moves her foot side to side in front of her and avoids eye contact. "I kind of felt like you when I popped it. It's a pretty simple jump though, I should be able to do these in my sleep."

My jaw tightens. I fight the urge to defend myself against my little sister. She might not have meant that backhanded comment, but I surely felt it.

As she skates away to practice more I remind myself that she doesn't understand, that she didn't bust her head open on the ice. That she doesn't know the fear I have everytime I try to lift my skates off the ice. She doesn't know, and I hope that she never finds out.