August 7th, 11:58 am
I feel out of place all the time. Sometimes, maybe certain moments but when there's too many people around, when I'm surrounded by family who are also strangers that I've known my whole life but never keep up with. I can sit in a room full of people and still feel something wrong, unsettling. Sometimes full of nothing I'd rather hide away, an escape route already planned out. "I just need to get out of here!" I'm thinking the whole time not realizing that I've been holding my breath for too long, "I just need to get out of here," away from the attention, away from the strangers, alone with myself a bit safer maybe just more familiar but now I will carry this around. "I just need to get out of here," sometimes means out of my head, to escape it because it feels as though it's getting smaller, and smaller, pushing me out to let me know it's ok to be surrounded by people but no, please. Let me be. The hugging, the handshakes, the waves, the smile I hold as I walk out. I'm good at it, I've been practicing, I just need to get out of here, away from all the thinking and remember to start breathing
