August 13th, 7:59pm
You were supposed to help me, be there for me, teach me things. Help me heal, care for me when the world was throwing everything at me all at once. Show me what love was supposed to be right? Unconditional love is what you were supposed to show me. But no. Your words cut deeper, and harder. They left scars, both seen and not seen and you blamed them on me. The hitting, the smacking, the choking, you flipping my bed trashing my room. The bruises, the marks I had to hide with a sweater, the days I couldn't sit down because the aftermath hurt just as bad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry please stop. The bleeding, the cries I had to suck up because that day we were going out to a family party, I had an "attitude" you claim. But whatever, it was all my fault apparently, I did it to myself. Right? I'm sorry, please stop. I won't do it again. I'll keep my head down, I won't speak so much because either way you'd tell me to shut up. I won't do anything to upset you, I'll feel small just so you can be big. You know what's crazy, we had a conversation talking about all the things you've done and you know what messed me up the worst. You said you don't remember doing it. you don't remember... you don't REMEMBER. And now I can't forget. Now I'm trying to heal from it, I'm over your excuses. I'm over the apologies. Why do I have to always forgive you? I'm tried of seeking approval, tired of being ok, and maybe it wasn't all bad but it didn't get better. You're my father and since I can't talk to you about this I'll have to heal on my own. Thanks alot...... dad
