insomnia | gyulsun

two

"you have to move on..shes gone now."

those stern words continued to echo in my head,, as if i was being haunted by them. i finished making the kimchi fried rice and called the others to eat, everyone thanking me for the food and digging in.

"wont you eat jisun?"
"im not that hungry dont worry about me!"

nagyung gave me a worried look and got up to embrace me. it was something i hadn't felt in a while, something i had been looking forward to after a long time. but i knew i couldn't receive it from that special someone.

"i know it's hard for you but gyuri would want you to eat and stay healthy wouldn't she? she cares a lot about you and i know she would want nothing but the best for you so please at least try for her?" tears rolled down nagyung's face as she tried to reassure me, chaeyoung rushing over to console her.

guilt instantly filled me and i walked off to gyul's room, not thinking about anything else but her. i felt stupid and selfish but i knew it was the only thing i could do in this scenario.

"jisun? open the door, please don't do this!
please say something, ghosting us wont do anything." seoyeon's voice muffled behind the door.

i opened it, seeing syeon's apologetic eyes meeting mine and hers instantly filling with tears. "why haven't you been sleeping? your dark circles are worse than mine!" she laughed.

"you haven't been taking your sleeping pills?"

"not for a month."

"and you chose not to tell anyone, not even saerom?"

"how can i tell her while shes on her vacation with hayoung? i don't want to ruin their holiday or anyth-"

"we're back now jissen, you can tell us anything." saerom's words cut me off.

"ROMSAEEEE!!!!" seoyeon bawled, pulling the older one into a hug and crying her eyes out.
"why are you crying syeon? i didn't think you'd miss me that much?" saerom chuckled.

"hayoung, show jisun what we got her!" saerom smiled, hayoung pulling out a puppy plushie which resembled...gyuri?

"we knew you missed her, feel better alright?"
i ran into hayoung's arms and thanked her. the puppy was the closest thing i had to gyul for a while and i would cherish it forever. i felt someone wiping my tears, their eyes meeting mine.

"nagyung?"
her mouth slowly curved into a smile and she could tell that i had felt bad about earlier, and for making her cry. i knew that no matter what type of argument or disagreement we all had, we'd always forgive each-other and understand how the other person felt. nagyung revealed a bowl with the fried rice i had cooked earlier and started feeding me, letting me eat at my own pace. "small mouthfuls jisun, no rush alright?" she told me, her words calming me down. jiwon grabbed chaeyoungs hand and dragged her out of the room, signalling for the others to give us some alone time.

"jisun, can i ask you for some advice?"
"mm, whats wrong nakko?"
"when you and gyuri fought.. how did you resolve it?"

7 months ago

"jissen...are you avoiding me?" gyuri asked
"why..why were you not home on sunday?"
"i was at chuu's house the other da-"
"chuu? you forgot our anniversary just to see her?"

a guilty look replaced the usual puppy eyes the older one had, making my heart tear into two.

"look, im sorry but i didnt forget it at all i promise..jiwoo had made something for me and i was gonna come home but i just...i just couldn't."

"what do you mean you couldn't? do you realise how much this meant to me? i had made so many preparations for this i had everything planned but you deci-"

i couldn't finish ranting as i felt her lips press against mine, the anger and sadness i felt leaving me right at the second. i hadn't kissed her in days and i felt relieved to see that she still felt the same way about me.

"silly, you didn't even let me explain hm? chuu had helped me make your gift but i couldn't come home as there was a storm on that day don't you remember?" she flashed me her puppy smile and held me in her arms for a while.

"im sorry for not listening to you gyul, i shouldn't let my emotions get the best of me" i whispered as she played with my hair.

"i won't miss our anniversary again, i promise"

"oh about that..."
i placed nagyung's hands into mine and said "we talked it out, it was all a misunderstanding so dont be afraid to talk to chaeng okay?"
"how did you know it was about her?"
"i could tell it was worrying you, kko"

we laughed it off and decided to join the others who were playing mario party in the living room. they were happy, i guess i could say i was happy too. nagyung took chaeyoung to her room and they both came back smiling and holding hands, nagyung thanking me with her eyes.

for the first time in a month, i had taken my sleeping pill and cuddled the plushie to sleep, my body finally being put at rest after a while.

little did i know, those feelings wouldn't last forever.