A Shattered Dawn

Chapter 40

"I'm sorry Acilya, I can't—"

I don't understand.

"Is it because of your mother because we can—"

"No. It's not because of her. It's because I don't—" He shakes his head.

"I don't have feelings for you."

I don't know what to say. Is he kidding?

"What are you talking about, we were married—"

"You know that's different, Acilya. I can explain." Confusion mixes with hurt.

"So all of this was fake? Every bit of it?"

He shakes his head, biting his lip and wincing.

Of course he is acting as though this hurts him.

"My father was Finnick Ambrose."

I don't know what this is supposed to mean.

"Your father was close with him. Trusted him. He was supposed to protect your family. But when your mother received the stone and the note..."

I don't understand how this ties into him not loving me.

"I remember watching through a cracked door, them talking about it in the kitchen. My father thought that your dad wouldn't survive. He said that it wasn't worth the risk to keep protecting your family." He takes a deep breath. I can't believe this. "My mother tried to force him to keep watch over you and your mother, but—" A tear falls down his cheek as he continues.

"And the next day he was gone. He tried to escape through the Challenge. He ran away from life. He ran away from us. And he ran away from you, who your father entrusted him to protect." Fallon's father. He was supposed to keep us safe. He ran away and failed us. And my mother died because of it. I didn't think things could get worse, but they do. "When we arrived here after he accidentally won the Challenge, my father was aware that Gabriel, your dad, was alive and in the dungeon. He had planned to get him out. He knew that you and your mother had likely died, and he wanted to do something to make up for his mistakes." He looks down. "Then he died. He never saved Gabriel, and my mother told me that if I wanted to survive, I would forget all of it. I would not attempt to free your father because it was not my burden. And that is what I told myself until I found you." He hesitates, and I lean forward, prompting him to continue. "I knew that it was my father's fault that your life turned out the way it was. That your mother died. And I felt so much guilt that..."

I don't know what to say.

"You were guilty, so you helped me succeed in the Challenge and cared oh so much about my survival, and," I take a sharp breath. "And you made love to me because you felt bad?"

He can't even deny it.

"I'm sorry, Acilya, I didn't mean to hurt you."

I push him away from me, hard.

"Well, you did. I actually cared about you." I suck in a breath. "I loved you, Fallon Ambrose."

He winces at the name. His father's name. Or my words. Or maybe both.

I abruptly stand, my body aching with the movement. I never knew he could hurt me this much. My hurt turns to anger as I pick up my bag. I am leaving this place. Right now. My sweet little kitty jumps off the bed where Fallon was stroking her a few moments ago. As though she, too, cannot stand to be around him for another moment.

I was going to name her Falla, after the person who helped me when I needed it most. It seems so stupid now.

"You know that the thing I wanted most was a life with you, Fallon? Did you know that?"

"I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do to make it up—"

I can't take this anymore.

"You've done enough."

I push open the door and the crisp late summer air greets me. I pick up my kitten and walk into the night, heading for the stables. He follows me.

"I never meant to hurt you, Acilya, I'm sorry—"

I whip my head around as I walk.

"If you never meant to hurt me then why did you pretend to want me?"

That shuts him up for a few paces.

"Well, you did the same thing."

"Because I wanted to find who killed my parents! But it turns out he was in front of me the entire time. And I let my guard down for him."

I look him up and down.

"It wasn't my fault—"

I shake my head. I've always found someone to blame. My parents, the royals, now Fallon, who has only tried to help.

"I just need to get away." I need to stop saying things I know I will regret.

I untie the horse and tie my bag to the saddle, swinging a leg over. I place the mewing bundle in my arms in one of the saddle's pouches.

"See you in another life, Acilya Niehdre."

I love you. The words I said a few minutes ago. the words I wish I could say as a goodbye. The words he will never say back. So I nod in silence and race off into the night, leaving Fallon standing alone in a foreign Celestial realm.

~~~

Sitting on the roof of a train has never felt more lonely.

The sun gently rises, lifting above the plains in the distance. The Celestial City is a mere speck, the buildings tiny and insignificant.

I find it ironic that both times I left people I loved, it was on a train at dawn.

What my parents called me, their little Dawn. Night and day, all in one. At the same time.

And now I am shattered. Or maybe I always was. But I am still alive. And now I always will be.

I clutch the stone in my fist. I will never lose it, and I will make sure that it never falls into the hands of the Celestial royals again. I can't imagine what they could do with it. Kill all the Night Angels and invade our lands. Worse.

Shivers run up my back.

Was it worth it, though? Losing the only family I had left?

I remember the dream I had that night before I decided I had to do this. Before everything happened. The sky was dark and I was sitting in a meadow. I heard a voice. It was not coming from anywhere, yet at the same time, I heard it everywhere. It told me that the answers I seek are in the south.

And then I came here. Of course, I wanted to find answers to everything, and I thought the mysterious person in my dreams meant that I would find who killed my parents and succeed in doing the one thing I always knew I must do: get my revenge.

But what if that was not what the voice meant? What if finding answers meant finding love? When I met Fallon, I realized that love might be the answer to my happiness.

If only he felt the same.

Was I truly in love with Fallon? I desperately wanted to be with him all the time. I thought about him more than I would like to admit. Maybe it was love. Or maybe I only wanted someone to care about me, truly care, for once.

What if it meant that I would find answers to everything. The truth. The truth about my parents, the stone...

Now I know that the voice likely meant that I must go south to realize what the stone is capable of and that I must protect it with my life.

And I plan to since I have no one and nothing else to care for.

Maybe I was always destined to be alone.