FALLEN: A New Adult Romance (First of the FALLEN Trilogy)

Lay Me Down and Wake Me Hard

I sigh deeply, letting go of what happened with Mister Angry Face, and turn around to see Sophie right where Marcel was looking. She hurries me with a hand, and I quickly follow her inside.

The music is echoing through the pub like it was last night. It makes me instantly forget the frown on Marcel's face to be replaced by the intensity on Ash's in my mind. I look at him in awe, always so amazed by him. I need to pull the brakes on my infatuation towards him because we made it clear nothing could happen more than a good time. He is leaving... He doesn't come from here... I need to keep on repeating myself that to slow me down. I don't even know the guy. Having the attention and the affection of somebody feels so surreal. I'm not a Ronnie... Why me?

I decide to get a drink to change my mind more easily. Ash and I decided to have a special kind of friendship, something beneficial for both of us. I feel like he's changing me... At least, I'm changing the way I look at things. He makes me more self-conscious, and I like that.

"What can I get you?" The lad behind the bar asks me, tearing me out of my thoughts. I frown, not knowing... What the hell.

"Two shots of tequila and a glass of whiskey on rocks, please." I surprise myself with my order. I need something strong.

I quickly turn around and lean back on the bar to look at Ashley. Ashley... I can't keep myself from fantasising about him and everything he makes me feel, both emotionally and physically. My mind drifts back to what happened to us last night. It was amazing. I never thought it could be this good. Nobody has ever made me feel this ecstatic. Steeve never did. I never thought it could be possible.

I smirk widely at the images in my head, Ash on top of me, his moans deep murmured to my ear, but get very frightened when I remember that Steeve got mad at me in the same room. I am turned off immediately. I don't get why I lost so many years of my life with somebody that doesn't treat me like I deserve. Even Marcel, who bothers me to no end, shows me greater manners and respect. It didn't seem that way the first time we encountered, but he told me he meant everything he said to me that first day as a compliment, and I understand now that compliments are not something to take lightly when it comes to him. I have no idea how many times I've replayed this scene in my head. Knowing Marcel now, I know he didn't mean to push me away the way he did. He was truly complimenting me. In his own guarded and twisted way.

Even if Marcel is hard to get, he is driven by his passion. He is thoughtful, and he has so much depth. I believe his cold and indifferent behaviour comes from an emotional shutdown. I sometimes get the chance to see glimpses of his natural self. I think he is a romantic at heart. I see it in the way he chooses every word to describe each character and the protagonists' relationship more precisely.

Steeve is nothing like that. He has no depth whatsoever. When he acts out, it's for no logical reason. The only reason I can think of to justify how mean he acts towards me it's to greater his self-esteem. His behaviour is so entitled without a cause. He is not intelligent nor particularly handsome compared to the men in my life now. He has horrible taste in movies and music. He never wears perfume. He doesn't clean up after himself. But worst of all, he spends most of his nights drinking with his school buddies, as self-centred and dumb as he is. He is rarely affectionate, and when he touches me, it's only to fuck me without my consent. But it's not rape when we're in a relationship, right?

It might have been the most emotionally exhausting weekend, never knowing where to stand with him. I felt a bit like that with Marcel, but at least we compromised and had some fun together. He is so cold and stiff all the time that the small moments of enjoyment I get from him mean more than anything. They make it worth the downsides.