Don't you dare text him back

2. Letting go of the control

In my last toxic relationship, I found this step to be the most difficult. I can be brutal with my words, I tend to lash out in anger when my heart feels broken, this is my toxic trait.

The big one is allowing someone else to make you go temporarily insane, and yes, its temporary and it will not last. However, at the time you really do look like a psycho.

When you start to try to solve the big unknown question, that is when you will experience the insanity.

"What made this person change in such a way that I am no longer sure of anything at all anymore?"

The part that makes you crazy is all the unnecessary lies that are told to you in order to protect them and protect the small amount of respect you may have. All the respect will be long gone when you realize that even when caught red handed this person will never admit fault because that will cause him to have to change and as we know change is hard work, and you are not worth it to him. He would rather lie; he finds it kind of fun to see you freak out. He most likely gets entertainment from your incessant texting, and manic episodes,but the episodes are not all you, please understand that these outbursts are caused by his behavior as well.

If you want to try something new, and you are sure that you have already shown all the crazy you had to share. Do me a favor, act crazy, text off the wall things, show him how psycho you are and see his reaction I guarantee he will act as if it's no big deal, he will continue doing what he is doing but he will think you have lost it, and he will act fully satisfied with what he has accomplished. This is when the devaluing stage will begin. He knows you are vulnerable so he will make matters worse. Although you want to reveal his true colors,you will never be able to. There is no doubt in my mind that it is him and his actions that caused you to be the insecure woman you have become, however you play a huge role in how long you will feel this way and to what degree.

When you wake up angry because he was out all night, you are feeding him. When you call him names and stoop to that nasty level, you are feeding him. People that are comfortable in chaos, are just that... they find comfort in the name calling, they find something calming about the animosity. It's their childhood showing back up, who wouldn't want to be a kid for the day? The difference is him as a child vs you as a child. We all lack something; no parent is perfect. Some lack love, some lack stability, some are in desperate need of intervention, and some need all three. As a child who has detachment issues, or rather an adult with detachment issues there normal day is waking up to parents fighting, they go to eat breakfast, but there's no food again, you go outside and see a notice to pay or quit on the door, you go to shower but there's no water, you go to get dressed shoes are two sizes too big so you stuff socks into them in order to wear them. This is normal daily living for children who are neglected, and it's not okay. I couldn't imagine my child having to go through life like this. A small degree of life experience is okay, but I mean they get that regardless, we as parents should not have to contribute to the negative, we should constantly be  the positive in their world. With that being said, the man you are in love with may have gone through that trauma. He also could have been completely spoiled, not having to take accountability, a mama's boy, always number one in his mom's eyes. He can do no wrong, his ego constantly fed, and not willing to hear anything he has or will ever do that has a negative impact. It is always someone else never him. Regardless of the upbringing there was something that made this person unwilling to change and unwilling to love. I guarantee this is well before you came into the picture. He will always tell you it's the accusations, or it's something you said last year. He can always point the finger, and he knows you so he will convince you it's you on and off. You just keep the thought in your mind of how he was raised and feel confident that you cannot ruin a grown man by being yourself, it doesn't work like that. He chose to stay in the chaos, and so did you, so both parties need to take equal ownership in the bond you now have.

Words can only destroy a person when used as ammunition. Take a breath and count to five if he decides to put you down or make sly comments. Chances are he is not brutal; however he may be very careful and quiet about the way he causes insecurities. he may just never text or call and make you feel like you are a bother. That alone will take your self-esteem way down. He may know how you're feeling about your weight and then find a ring that's a size 15 and say it may fit your pinky. He may give you looks like he is disgusted when you get naked or tell you disgust him during a heated argument, and then never try to get physical with you. He may make puking faces in every picture then when confronted he says "I can't be myself", well did he do that before? All these little gestures are done to make you lose your composure, and I am here to tell you to count to five and not pay him any mind. If you feed into him, if you text him, if you say anything at all it will be seen as you caring, you needing, and you wanting the toxicity. So, get it together and do not get involved in his games.

If you feel as if you are too late, and you have already done so much to show him that he has the ball in his court, get that thought out of your mind. No matter what time of day and how much has been done make a pledge to not text him back, to not call and to not feed into him. If he asks why you didn't text him; you say you didn't have your phone on you or you must have overlooked it. Don't be rude but do not feed into any of it. If he's asking it's because he is playing the game, and you aren't trying to play, you are trying to get off the board with your sanity intact.