My messed up life

Crushing

Today at school was interesting. Dustin took so long to get ready they he made us late and I GOT DETENTION FOR IT. He got out of it as usual which I find unfair. I met Dustin's friend Eddie at lunch today, he's quite cute not going to lie. Apparently he is the dungeon master when they are playing dnd and he's quite fun to hang around with. My boyfriend does NOT approve tho. He asked if we could talk and he started shouting at me, telling me to stay away from them because there going to convince me to kill people. He started to grip my arm and it kind of hurt. I ended up running off and Eddie followed me. He made me feel so much better when he told me to put on music and talk to him. When I first saw Eddie I thought he was going to be quite rude. I mean he looks it, but there's something about him that makes me have butterflies in my stomach. Anyways I'm going to head to sleep for school tomorrow.

Thursday, 7:40

Y:DUSTIN ARE YOU READY TO GO IM NOT GETTING ANOTHER DETENTION BECAUSE OF YOU!?
D:YES JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE!
Y:IM WAITING IN THE CAR!!
You and Dustin arrive at school at 8:55.
Y:thank god I'm not late detention is so boring.
D:yea your welcome. oh there's Mike I'm gonna go see ya!
Y:Bye dusty bun.
D:don't even go there.
Y:haha
You get out of your car and start to walk over to your friends when someone taps you on your shoulder.
Y:Eddie jeez you scared me!
E:sorry I didn't mean to scare you.
Y:it's fine
E:I wanted to come and ask if your feeling better after well.. yesterday
Y:yeah I'm doing a lot better Dustin actually got up in time so at least I'm not late.
E:that's good to hear, Umm I was wondering if you wanted to come and sit with us at lunch today.
Y:I with but my bf would get mad, he thinks your going to convince me to join your cult and murder people.
E:damn he's a bit harsh.
Y:it's not true right?
E:why would I ever want to murder someone or make other people murder people!
Y:idk
E:I may look mean and scary but I'm not THAT bad.
Y:haha ok well umm I'm going to get going it's almost time for the bell to go, I don't want to risk getting a detention
E:ok see you at lunch?
Y:ugh fine I'll try.
E:haha ok I'll see you then

Lunch

I'm sat on the floor outside the cafeteria writing in my book because I'm in an argument with my friend and boyfriend and I'm not sure where Eddie is. I like to write about my life so when I die people can read this and see how I have actually been feeling, and right now I'm feeling like I want to just cry cry and cry until I can't cry anymore. I want to break up with Leo, my boyfriend but I'm nervous because I may or may not be crushing on Eddie. He makes me feel safe but I don't think he feels the same way which really hurts.

E:y/n!
Y:oh Umm hi.
E:what's up are you ok?
He sits down with me.
Y:mhm
E:I'm gonna need some words darling.
Y:god that's hot
E:what?
Y:uh nothing
E:mhm ok now are you really ok?
Y:I guess.
E:you can talk to me you know.
You sigh
Y:I want to break up with my boyfriend because he's mean and I have a crush on someone else.
E:then do it
Y:if only it was that simple
You look away
E:what do you mean?
Y:you wouldn't get it.
E:try me
Y:he's not a very nice person. He doesn't tend to take things well.
E:what's that meant to mean?
Y:I don't wanna talk about it.
You pack your stuff and start to walk away but Eddie grabs your hand and pulls you closer to him.
E:does he hurt you?
Y:I don't want to talk about it Eddie.
E: yeah and I respect that but if he's hurting you I want to know NOW. So please tell me.
Y:if I tell anyone then he will get mad.
You start to tear up and eventually start to bury out in tears.
E:hey hey hey come here it's ok.
He pulls you in for a hug.
L:babe what are you doing with this freak again? Didn't I tell you to stay away from him?
Y:he's not a freak Leo!
L:whatever let's go.
E:tell him y/n.
Y:I-
L:tell me what?
Everyone stopped talking. The silence was so loud.
L:Tell me what y/n!?
Y:I- I'm- I'm breaking up with you.
Your eyes start to tear up again as Leo clenches is fists with anger trying to hold back the urge to hit her.
L:No your not.
E:she said she's breaking up with you now leave her alone.
L:you can't say shit you long hair freak we have been dating for over a year now and you have knows her for what? 20 minutes? Babe I told you he's making you do things you don't want to do!
Y:I- I'm sorry Leo.
You start to walk off with Eddie and you go and sit down in a corner in the shade and start to cry.
E:don't cry it's ok.
Y:BUT ITS NOT OK EDDIE.
There was silence for the longest few seconds ever.
Y:Im sorry for shouting.
E:don't be sorry. I'm not the best when it comes to people crying.
Y:I'm just gonna write in my book you can go and eat with ur friends if you want. I'll be ok.
E:are you sure you will be ok come sit with us.
Y:No ThankYou I just want to write in my book alone.
E:oh. Ok but stay here ok I'll come and check on you at the end of lunch you know where I am.
Y:mhm ok bye.
E:see you later princess.
Eddie walks off leaving you with pink cheeks from where you have been blushing when he called you darling and princess. You have a minute to your self to think about what's just happened then start to get your notebook out and start to write.

Well it looks like i am now single. I think. Eddie came up to me and started talking to me. I think he noticed that I was on the verge of crying because he asked me if I was ok and insisted I told him what was up. I like how he noticed but I'm not sure if it was the right thing to tell him about my now ex boyfriend. He knows... he knows he hurts me. He knows I wanted to break up with him. He knows so much. He might be my brothers friend but I'm not sure if he can keep a secret. I started crying infront of him and he hugged me with made me feel better. He smells like weed and cologne, I knew he smoked weed because I do sometimes and I know the smell but I never thought he would smell like it. He's just so beautiful I don't know how I've never noticed him before. Anyways when I told my bf I wanted to break up with him and sat in a corner with Eddie and started to cry again. I feel bad because I shouted at him but I was just so mad at myself. I told him to go and eat with his friends and he did, that hurt a lot. There was a part of me that wanted him to stay with him but a part that wanted him to leave. I am so confused but he left anyways. I'm at home now and I'm really bummed because Eddie didn't come and check on me after lunch. But he made up for it and called me after school and we had a nice conversation which just made me fall for him even more. He told me so much about himself and about his family. A part of me wanted to tell him about my family problems but I didn't. I wasn't ready, what if he told someone I couldn't put up with that risk.