The Lost

Casey:

I keep flashing looks out into the night. Garret has his hand draped over my shoulder. I just feel peoples pain. And hate. I understand. Just that little bit more. About the world. The world Tom always seemed to live in. I start to feel my eye lids droop. I rest my head on the pillow behind….

I'm standing on a beach. Those people have their hands around my arms. I struggle. I need to reach him. I watch the black waves crash on the rocks. And Tom. His head turning around. I reach out. I never can save him. They surround him. I scream. He can't hear me. He never seems to. I watch Garret walk over. The beauty and the beast. The trouble is who is the beast. I see him bend down and stare at Tom. I want to reach him. He follows me. But I think… I don't know. I suddenly see the knife in his stomach. But he's staring at me. His eyes large and afraid. He doesn't seem to care about Garret. He sees past the knife. And that scares me. his head falls back. Garret starts to walk over. He's wiping his hands. I realise my face is plastered with tears. The world starts to fade. Just a dream….

I wake. I'm shaking. I open my eyes. Garret sits next to me. I want to push him off. I don't. He smiles at me. I hate him for that. He brings down a fist onto my face. Because I'm not smiling at him. He stands over me. He walks away. Tears fall down my face. What if the dream is real. I hug my shoulders. I stare around the room. I keep crying.

Tom:

She…she saw me. I'm lying awake on the floor in the warehouse. My whole head pounds. I just keep seeing her face. So full of confusion and…. something else. I can't quite pull the emotion out. I'm shaking on the floor. I love her. I really do. But James is right. I don't want to die. Not when she is still alive. I pull out a picture of her. I look deep into her eyes.  But all I see is the black bird in the cage. So trapped. Unloving. I will never be with her. I might as well be dead. James is gone. Everyone but her. She's going to die. We all are going to die. I hold my head in my hands. The whole world is spinning. I breathe slowly. I walk out into the street. I look at the shops. The people standing on the street smoking. Shouting. Smiling. I don't cry. I feel so numb and dead. I turn the corner. I just need to see her. I look through the window. She's lying on the floor. Anger flushes through my body. I feel the flutter of excitement as I look at her. Garret opens a door and I duck down. I press my back to the wall. Trying to disappear. I hear his shouting. I look up at the frame of my house. I should be part of the ashes there. I just need her. I feel tears slide down my face. I peer over the ledge. I look at her. Her perfect face. But her smile is gone. I so badly want to save her. Try to. And die for her. But I owe James. His blood is still on my hands. She ran away from me. But her eyes. I can't stand the thoughts in my head. With trembling hands I pull myself back up. I feel the cold iron of the gate on my finger tips. I push it open. My head fiscally hurts. The thoughts and options. People think having a chance to change the future is a good thing. An opportunity to fix all the wrongs in their life. But it just leads to pain. I just wish I was still that weird kid who watched Casey. Who lay on his bed. But no. Not anymore. I'm alone. Casey is gone. I feel the wind dragging on my clothing. I love her so much. I place my hands over my face and drag them down. I want to forget. I never can. Sunlight pours over the tops of the buildings. I feel the warmth blow over my face. I feel my feet touch the ground. I want to punch out at the world. But I don't. I let the choices consume me. I sit down on a low wall. I scrunch my legs up. I place my chin on them. I close my eyes. I just see her. I see her through camera lenses. I feel my fingers click  down on the button. Her laugh sending shivers up my spine. Me ducking under the ledge. I open my eyes. I'm back on the wall. Someone walks over to me. I think they're going to ask if I'm Ok. I see the outline. But the rest is blurred. The world is out of focus. Moving slowly. They continue walking. Lots of people pass. The whole world is stuck in slow motion. My head starts to drop. I hear their conversations. They all are drawn out. The lies and the truth mixed with their breath. The innocence gone. Only spite. I feel my body fall from the wall. I feel the air rush over my head. I see the floor rush towards my face. I feel my head hit the pavement. But I'm still falling. I see myself fall below. Suddenly I rush towards my body. I meet with myself….

Casey:

My heart wrenches downwards. It pulls me down with a jolt. I look up. My body floats above me. I try to reach out. I can't. I see the floor boards close over. I fall from my body. Suddenly the boards above me become the pavement. Tom lies above me. Gravity switches and I'm falling. I see my body reach closer to him. I meet with myself. I fall into his body…

I jerk upwards. I stand on a field of corn. I feel fear reach over me. Last time I was here… I couldn't control what I did. I run to a black bird cage. I crouch down to look. I see the large eyes. Grey and deep like mine. A hand falls onto my shoulder. Sparks run up my spine. I don't know whether to cry or shout or smile. I start to turn my head. Tom's eyes meet mine. I fall towards him. Happy tears run down my cheeks. He breathes out. I'm dragged backwards. I fall into the cage. Me and Tom are tiny. Insignificant. Only I'm standing in the cage. I run to him. He reaches to me. I see his black hair and shy smile. Suddenly something grabs him. I shout out but no one hears me. No one cares. He grows to normal size. Because he's important. I see the flashing blue eyes. They push him to the ground. Something is restraining my arms. The world starts to fade. I'm standing on the beach. The knife is in Tom's stomach. I close my eyes….

I'm lying on the floor in the living room. Garret stoops over me. He looks scared. I feel sick. I lie back down. I close my eyes. Why is there always a barrier. Garret scoops me up in his arms. I try to wriggle free but his grip is to tight. I let him dump me on the sofa. I see him walk away. I just wanted the dream to be me and Tom so badly. He knew it wasn't real. He knew. I think that still scares me the most. How he keeps coming back to the beach. Like its not a dream. So what is. The field is. What about me killing myself. I can believe it.

Tom:

I whip my head up. I lie in a hospital. The white blurs in my eyes. I start to feel panic wash through me. They must of sent me when I collapsed. I swing my legs over the side. A nurse bustles in. She sees me and smiles. I pause. I think of Casey. I hug my shoulders. A tear sneaks down my cheek. I so desperately want someone to look after me. I lie back down in the bed. My heart beats slowly. I close my eyes. But Casey needs me. I snap. I jump off the covers. I wrench the door open. I run down the corridor. People still swing violently. I place me feet quickly on the surface. I feel my heart pick up pace. People still blur in my eyes. I just want to forget. I run out of the doors. Two roads. To Casey. To the river. I turn left. I feel the rhythmic pounding in my head. I reach the bank of the river. I climb up to the bridge running over it. Cars rush past. I'm shaking. The world is to silent and still. I stand on the edge. I look into the smooth surface. I'm ready to leave the fear and confusion and love with my fall. The world is grey. Nothing. I just hear the pounding in my head. I want to forget. I close my eyes tightly. People hit the brakes in their cars. The beat just grows faster. I take a deep breath. I'm about to step. A hand grabs my ankle. I trip mid fall. I plummet to the surface. In mid air I turn so I'm facing upwards. A worried face stares down at me. I turn my head to see the water rush towards me. I take a huge breath of air just as I hit the surface. It breaks. The pain shoots through my body. I struggle in the water. I wind around trying to beat to the surface. I wanted to fall. But I stare into the black, inky water. It scares me. Its fingers reach towards me. I push up at the bottom. I reach up to the water above. The world starts to go black. I shout out into the river. No-one can hear my cries. I feel my body sink. Just as I start to see black a body dives down….

I wake up. I'm spluttering on the surface. A mans face smiles down at me. I only survived because he tugged my foot. Stopped the momentum. I roll out of his way. I run down the road. I feel the wind in my hair. I pull out the ruined pictures of Casey. It scares me seeing her face so ruined. I look up at my surroundings. I notice I'm running in her direction. I let my legs carry me there.