johnny depp x ... johnny... depp?

edward scissorhands

*courtesy of my friend Ria <3*

2 different people with a strange likeness had appeared POOF in the inventors big giant crusty dusty house in an otherwise perfect neighbourhood. Cute little puppy boy scissorhands was sat in the corner of the room wiggling his blade fingers with lonely sadness.

“Ew are yew mate” ... Oh god. A pirate.

“Oh dear, bad nut” willy wonka appears with his upright posture and pristine look, of COURSE. Jack, on the other hand, stumbled out from a pile of rubble.

“A wha?” The pirate was now spinning slowly and scanning the room for rum while Wonka watched in pure confusion and disgust. The shiiing of metal was heard from the shadows, causing Jack Sparrow to spring up and draw his sword. Sorry, Captain. Jack Sparrow.

Edward suddenly charged out from the shadows and accidentally slashed Wonka's thick cock and got his shmeat blood on his scissors. He gave it a good ol whiff and got bricked the fuck up, so he jumped frog-like out the window and sprinted full-force sonic-speed through his beautiful neighbourhood where his family once lived.

“Why is the rum gone...”

Or... well I'd say they still lived, but not after Eddie had a sexy little shiv party with them and sliced them all to pieces, the puppy-like sparkle in his eyes shifting into pure sadism as he watched his own ‘hands’ absolutely slice and dice these humans.

Jack and Willy were following behind, their shoes splashing in the exponentially large pool of red as they tried to keep up with Edward's absolute massive outburst of bloodlust. Eventually Edward was left with nothing but his scissorhands. He stared around himself in the dead of night, paralysed by his shock and also the splutter of spaff he had released onto the ground. His big fat shlong was fully exposed, and floppy now that he had relieved himself. His face remained blank as he dropped to his knees in sad defeat - he had killed everyone.

“Bloody hell...”

... Except the pirate. And... the... actually what the fuck is that other guy?

“Bad nuts don't deserve chocolate,” Wonka sneered as he and Sparrow shared a bar of his sweet succulent chocolate ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Edward cried knowing he'd never see his family every again, while Jack gave Willy a big wet sloppy kiss on the lips and then on the cock, and they actually just started having very gay sex right there on the bloody ground while Edward started writhing. He was experiencing cardiac arrest.

“Oh yea you like that don't you Jack,” Wonka moaned, “You like being my bad little nut”

“I'm about to have a bad little nut mate” the pirate replied.

A few months pass, Jack and Willy end up living in Edward's castle, and Wonka got pregnant!

To be continued...