Lovers Rock

1.

  
Some people have told me that beauty is the only thing that matters, you have to tall, and beautiful, gorgeous, and to have the sex appeal, to be rich, with nice clothing, and a nice body. but honestly, i think it's all bullshit.

Growing up, i was known as the girl with nothing, no body shape, fat, and short. but i was 12, what 12 year old is gonna have that.

But as i got older, my beauty came in, my boobs grown, my ass got big and rounder, i was consider "beautiful" but where was that in middle school?

I grew out of the habits of feeling bad of myself and that i was worthless, i now belive that people can and will be shitty. i don't need the attention, although it is nice to bite back when bitches who didn't like me before but  suddenly like me now.

  i never even really had a boyfriend either, yea i would hook up with guys from time to time, but it was never long lasting nor did i ever wanted it to be.

  it's my last year in high school, learning to be a nurse bc children is who i love most. they don't deserve anything that is said to them.

  "Z" my mother calls me down stairs, and yes my name is Z, i think it's very cool

  "hi baby," she says sweetly

  "hi mom," i say with a little bit of sarcasm. she understand me.

  for a while, i had a father and a little sister, but my stupid father had my sister in the car with him while he was on drugs and they had crashed and you can see where this is leading. yk i never really even felt bad, but i felt a heart for esme, my sister.

  if she were to be alive, she'd be a sophomore, she'd be turning 16, and i miss her a lot. she was there for me when i was down, she was the first person i told everything. even before my mom.

  thus happened in late august of my sophomore year, esse didn't even get to make it to highschool, and it really hurt bad.

  my dad on the other hand, can rot in hell. i was once a daddies girl, was always with him, wanted to always be with him, everything. but the drugs completely changed him and i hated him with my chest.

  now it's just me and my mom, i don't tell her everything but she's knows a lot.

  "here's some clothes for tomorrow, i won't be here early enough to see you leave, i love you hun" my mom says handing me bags of clothes.

  "thanks mom, i love you too" i say with a smile. my mom is a vet and she leaves early to make sure the animals staying where she's at are feed and bathed, yk just to keep check.

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if im being completely honest, im scared shitless. i really shouldn't be but im fucking nervous.

  i turn over and i see that my phone has been buzzing for a good 20 mins now.

  "BITCH GET THE FAWK UP, FIRST DAY OF SENIOR YEAR" i see my bestfriend since 5th grade had texted me.

  Charlotte, as i like to call her, lottie, had been with me since day 1, constantly bickering, making moments, having fun. it was all good. in our junior year she had delved into her sexuality a little more. she'd realized boys weren't just doing it for her. by the end of junior year she met Alethzi.

  Alethzi was sweet and kind hearted, but don't take that to granted, if needed, she can and will beat your ass. when I met her for the first time it was all good, we smoked weed and drank. btw i live in Cali where weed is legal. and we drank a lot that night. i approved of her.