Can I eat the sun if I can ever fly in the sky?
I guess it would be really good if i can fly in the sky. It's no fun seeing it from the window all the time. How do birds feels while flying and floating between the clouds? Must be feels like heaven!
I wonder if birds ever thinks of us! Like we lead the best life? Or they are more happier by the things they have? I cant think anymore. My head hurts.
My dog Pochita,he always looks so sad when he looked into the sky. Not like he ever look happy or something. But he looks the saddest while seeing birds fly. I often makes up his thought. Like some kinda fiction?
I have a friend. Actually I had a friend who wanted to be a writer. Growing up with her makes me a lowkey writer too. So I imagine stuffs about Pochita's thoughts. She, my friend passed away last year from heart failure. Makes me sad but I already overcome it. Sounds heartless right? Well that's how life works.
Well about Pochita, I was never been an animal lover. I never wanted to have a pet. Mother said when i was a kid i always told them how i wanted a calf as a pet and don't like cats and dogs. She told me a story about when i was maybe 4 years old. I ran after a cow.. That was a full ass cow, not even a calf. That cow nearly attacked me. I was crying saying "why would you do that,i just loved you". Sigh! Now i want to slap my little self! Well i was a kid so whatever.
So how I got the dog? My father brought the dog when i was in seventh grade. I usually don't like them because they lick too much. I don’t want animals to lick me. Pochita was so small back then. That was the first and last time he licked me. When he did it first i glare him with a really pissed face and he look so sad. Well my heart aches everytime i remember that. Now he doesn’t lick at all. That's a good thing in the end. So when father brought him i asked him why he didn’t bring a dog more happier. He replied no dog can stay happy with me.
Well he didn’t say that... He told me that the dog looks so sad that it reminds him about me. So he bring him.
But i really want Pochita to run in house bark loudly, have some fun.. But he is just like me. He never run. Even i run whenever I'm in a hurry. But he just walk with tiny steps. I think if the world collapse he would be like fuck off I'm not running...
_____
Nowadays, i feel so gloomy. I just don't want to do anything. What if i becomes a cotton candy and Pochita eats me? No no. He would eat me if I become sun.. Phew! Nothing works really. I dont wanna go university. That would be more drag! But if i don't go that would be even more drag? Everytime i feel weird or depressed i remembered my dead friend. She was 100x more depressed than me. Once we were walking in the park.. Our conversation were like
-Hey look,that flower garden, so pretty.
-I feel like trash!
-Huh?
-My new book
-What about writing something good?
-Good? Where can I get that?
-Dunno.
-What about finding them together?
-That's a lot of work!
-You’re so lazy.
-You’re depressed.
-Yeah..
Well i was her only reader. Nobody actually knew she writes stuff. I used to tell people to read but they don't give a shit. So basically i was the only one. Now that I think,her all depression passed on me. My family is in good shape. My parents supports me. But me just dont feel right. About my parents,they just dont really age. People often don't believe they are my Parents.
When I was in fifth grade, i injured one of my classmate for bulling my writer friend. So they had to call mother. When she came my class teacher starts nagging that why I bring my sister. My mother couldn’t make it believe that she was actually my mother. So the teacher had to call father. When father came, that teacher starts grinning even more saying now why my brother came. At that moment mother couldn’t take that. So instead of solving the issue with me, my parents filed a complain about the teacher. Later the principle has to apologize.
My mother always tells me to go outside have some fun. But i just dont wants to go anywhere. Home is the best. She even offer me money. Well i keep the money but never go outside. So today i went to buy ramen packs. Because people have been eating it a lot lately. So I wanted to try. When went to buy some korean ramen. They are all spicy. Like 2x or 10x spicy. They have some less spicy but don’t look so attractive. So i bought a 2x one. I bought sausage for Pochita..
So i cooked the ramen which is look like some noodle with blood. Pochita was looking at me with a concern eyes. Not like i can't eat spicy. I can eat anything that taste good.
So just digged in and DISAPPOINTED! It's just spicy. Not tasty at all. I couldn't continue eating it.. I dont want to ask Pochita to eat it, because i dont want to see tears in his sad eyes. But i still offer if he wants to taste. He looked at me with more sadder look. Pochita never fails to break my heart.
My life is just going weirdly. I can hardly improve. If anything I want maybe i want to see Pochita smile.. Or at least have a look with no sadness. I still feels so guilty glaring like that. I apologized to him a lot of time. But i don’t know what he felt.
If possible i wants to write a book about Pochita and his pain in ass owner. Since my friend died i just feel like a empty shell. I really need to fill it. Even tho i say i moved on still hurts sometimes. Pochita always looks sad too. Maybe one day Pochita will look happy and so will I.
Maybe one day, Pochita will be flying and can eat the sun. I think he will be really happy then...
Pochita.. You will be happy one day right?
At least bark louder..
The End..
